Letting Go
by Elyse1
Summary: Tragedy strikes as Maddie and David vacation in Chicago
1. Default Chapter

Letting Go

Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, I swear. I'm just borrowing them for a little while, and when I'm through, the creator is welcome to have them back.

Thanks go to: Aubrey, one of my wonderful betas, who helped me overcome the loss of the baby (HAPPY THOUGHTS) and Heather, my other beta, and one of the best ones, too. 

Author's note: OK, let me explain something, this fic is set after Eine Klien, but before Lunar Eclipse, we're going to erase all thoughts of Lunar Eclipse from our minds and start fresh. So, let's just assume that Annie left in Eine Klein and that the show resumed from there. 

Letting Go

He sat close to her. Too close. Way too close. 

She could feel each breath that left his body, feel his heartbeat. It was almost too much, and Maddie feared that if they hadn't been in the air, she would have done something that would have embarrassed them both. 

'Thank God for small favors.' she said to herself as David shifted in his seat. 

They would be landing soon, landing in Chicago. She wasn't sure why she'd invited him. Except that the look on his face when she said she was leaving for Chicago had put a crack in her heart and she'd had to give in. 

Besides, what could a few days at her parents hurt? They had been 'together' for about a month; she figured that it would be all right.

So far, the plane ride was proving to be torture.

"Please fasten your seatbelts as we are getting ready for landing. Thank you for flying Aeromass." The announcement ended with a beep and Maddie sighed.

She leaned her head on her partner's shoulder and closed her eyes. In just a few moments, she'd be in Chicago....again. 

But this time was different. This time David was with her. This time, she wasn't pregnant. 

Maddie's eyes flew open at the last thought. She could feel the panic flood her body and she shook her head, trying to clear it. 

No, there was no way. They had been so careful, neither wanting a replay of their last mistake, they had taken every precaution known to man, every time.

Maddie's cheeks flushed, well, maybe not _every_ time. There is very little you can do about protection when you're on a dirt road in the middle of no where.

Not that a baby would be bad. Or even unwelcome, but she wasn't sure that's what their relationship, such as it was, needed at the moment. 

Both Maddie and David had pretty much avoided the issue since the elevator incident. After Annie came into the picture, Maddie didn't see a reason to talk about it again. It was obviously over between them. 

But then, suddenly, Annie was gone, and once again, there was this void in her life. It had taken a late night stakeout and a rather tempestuous case to get both of them to come to their senses and see that the relationship _could_ in fact go somewhere, and that they would never know if they didn't try.

Now, here she was, on a flight back home, with David sitting right beside her.

Maddie sighed again and tried to shut out the feeling of contentment. It wasn't a good idea of getting content with this situation; who knew what would come of it? 

Then again, fighting off the contentment meant she had no time to fight off the panic. Maddie instead started counting days. Days until her birthday, days until Christmas, days since her last....she groaned inwardly and gave in.

It had been a little under two months. She was late. There was no getting around that. But sometimes there were explanations....

Maddie laughed to herself. Explanations...HA! There was only one explanation, and that was carelessness. Irony struck her, was the only place to find out you're pregnant Chicago? She laughed again. 

"Wanna share the joke?" David's voice jarred her out of her thoughts. 

Maddie smiled at him. "Good afternoon, sunshine. Sleep well?"

David smirked. "Yeah, wonderful dream, you wanna hear about it?"

Maddie closed her eyes, laying her head back on his shoulder. "No thanks, I'll wait for the movie."

He sensed that something was wrong, and later, he would damn himself for not asking, but David didn't want to initiate a fight, so he remained silent. Kissing the top of her head, he shifted his body until his thigh was pressed firmly against hers.

David grinned at her intake of breath and leaned in close to her ear. "Have I mentioned how anxious I am to get to a hotel?"

Maddie smiled. "Not in the last forty minutes." She brought her head up and looked him in the eyes. "David....."

He interrupted her. "Behave. I will, don't worry. At least in front of your parents, anyway. I can't vouche for myself behind closed doors." He waggled his eyebrows at her, making her smile.

"That is _not_ what I was going to say." She paused. "Although that rule still stands. What I was going to say is that you're going to have to restrain yourself for another hour or two. We have to go to my parents before we go to the hotel."

David groaned softly. "You mean we can't...."

"David!"

"....for another two hours?"

Maddie nodded. "And try to stay away from the innuendo for the duration of our stay, OK?"

"Yeah, I remember what your dad did to your dog for licking your face....I'd hate to see what he'd do to me."

Maddie rolled her eyes at this comment and unfastened her seatbelt as the light went off. Getting up from her seat, she stretched, "Just behave, OK?"

David stood up, putting less than an inch between her chest and his. "And what will I get if I'm good all night?"

Maddie smiled, her earlier panic forgotten momentarily. "I guess there's only one way to find out."

~ ~ ~ 

"Maddie, darling. I'm so glad you came." Virginia Hayes hugged her daughter. "You look wonderful!" she said as she pulled back to loOK her over.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Mom," Maddie replied, hugging her mother back. 

There was a slight throat clearing and Maddie turned into her father's embrace. "Daddy," she said, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. 

Alexander Hayes stared at his only child in concern. "Hey, what's this?" He wiped a meandering tear off of her face. "Tears?"

"I'm just so happy to be home," she explained, wondering herself at the sudden display of emotion. 

Alex seemed content with this explanation and turned to David, saying, "It's nice to see you again, son." They shook hands.

David grinned. "Well, when Maddie begged me to come....I could hardly refuse." He winked in Maddie's direction. "Besides, I had to come and see what Chicago's appeal was, seems everyone likes coming here."

Virginia hugged David. "We're glad Maddie didn't have to make the trip alone. Now, you two, I'll bet you haven't had anything to eat since you left California." 

As the snow started to fall, Alex smiled and said, "Hot chocolate seems appropriate."

"Nah, we had some roasted peanuts on the way. I think I still have some left....." David's voice trailed off as they walked into the house. 

~ ~ ~ 

"There Maddie was, hanging from a ladder, scared to death......but I got her up and we found the diamonds." David grinned at the memory. "I asked her to go into business with me the next day. And the rest is - -"

Maddie interruppted him, "Kismet." They shared an intimate glance before Maddie loOKed at her watch, "We really should get going. We need to get checked into the hotel." She started to rise from her place on the couch when her mother's voice stopped her.

"Nonsense, dear. Why waste perfectly good money on a hotel when we have rooms here?"

Maddie glanced at David and then at her father, and finally back to her mother. "I....well.....we...."

David forced a smile to his fac., "That's a wonderful idea, Mrs. Hayes. I'll just go get our suitcases." he glanced purposefully at Maddie and walked out of the room.

"I think I'll go help him." Maddie got up from her seat on the couch and walked out of the room into the hallway. The luggage was still sitting on the floor. Perplexed, Maddie loOKed around. "David?" she whispered softly.

A hand reached out from the kitchen and pulled her in. Before Maddie could even gasp, David's mouth came down on hers. 

The kiss went from being sweetly tender to being ravagingly exotic. When Maddie noticed the change, she pulled away and opened her eyes, for the first time in a couple of minutes noticing that David had pushed her up against the wall. "David," she said breathlessly.

"Maddie," he replied, the familiar twinkle in his eye as he bent his head to kiss her again. When Maddie turned her head away, he shrugged slightly and started nuzzling her neck instead.

David found her pulse and lightly touched his tounge to it, elicting a strangled sigh from her. He grinned and switched tactics. He trailed kisses up and down her neck, finally ending up at her lips. As David kissed her, the only thought that was racing through his mind was, 'I wonder how long it will take me to get everything off of that table'.

Maddie's mind, however, was in turmoil. 'How am I going to tell him?' ; 'What if my parents walk in?' ; 'It shouldn't have taken us this long to get the suitcases.' ; 'I wonder how long it will take him to get everything off of that table.'

Maddie slowly became aware of footsteps coming down the hall and pulled away from David. She pressed a finger to her lips and took his hand, leading him over to the table.

When Mr. Hayes poked his head into the kitchen a couple of seconds later, Maddie was standing over David sitting in a chair. "I don't see anything, David."

"I swear there was something in my eye," he said, hiding his smile.

"You were imagining things," she said as she straightened and turned to face her father. "David thought he had something in his eye," Maddie explained.

Mr. Hayes nodded and hid a smile, anyone could tell by Maddie's flustered appearence what they had been doing. And the smug look on David's face was almost humorous. "Oh, your mother and I were just wondering what was keeping you."

Maddie smiled thinly and walked toward her father. "We were just getting the suitcases," she mumbled as she walked out of the kitchen and into the hall.

David grinned at Mr. Hayes and started to walk out of the room.

"Son?" 

David stopped and turned to Maddie's dad, the smirk still firmly in place. "Yes, sir?"

Mr. Hayes grinned at him. "You might want to rethink your choice of lipstick, it's not your color." Then he too exited the kitchen.

David dragged a hand across his mouth and grinned before following Mr. Hayes out into the hall.

~ ~ ~

"David, this is the guest room," Mrs. Hayes said as she opened a door to the room at the end of the hall. "It has it's own bathroom, too," she added as David walked in behind her and set his suitcase down.

"This is great, Mrs. Hayes," he said with forced cheer. What he wanted to do was drag Maddie in here, lock the door and.....David shook his head to clear his thoughts and turned his attention back to the woman in front of him. "I'm sure I'll be perfectly comfortable in here."

Maddie's mother smiled at the man before her. "I'm sure you will, David," she said, patting his shoulder, "Well, I'll let you get settled, dinner will be ready anytime now." She gave him one last look and walked out of the door.

David watched the door close and sank down onto the bed. "I'd be more comfortable down the hall," he muttered with a slight smile. He sighed and got up, pulling his suitcase over to the bed and flinging it up. He unzipped and began unpacking it.

Walking over to the dresser, David piled his pants and jeans into a dresser drawer and closed it with a queit bang. He crossed over to the suitcase again and smiled as he picked up a garment made of silk. Holding the tresspassing object in both of his hands, he smiled.

They had hastily packed their clothing, trying to get his stuff into his suitcase, and her stuff into her suitcase, and still make the flight on time. But it seemed that they had missed a few throws, because, as David glanced into his suitcase, he noticed a few other items that definitely didn't belong to him. 

His smiled widened as he held up another silk garment. Yes, he was positive he'd never worn anything like this before.

David finished unpacking and headed downstairs, following his nose to the kitchen. "What's cooking, Mrs. H? Sure smells great."

"David, have a seat in the dining room, we're almost ready to eat." She gently shoved him in the direction of the dining room and turned back to the stove.

He walked out of the kitchen and sat at the table with Maddie and Mr. Hayes. He sat down next to Maddie, immediately gripping her hand under the table. 

Maddie smiled at him and squeezed his hand, resting it on her thigh. Mrs. Hayes walked into the room and David let go of Maddie's hand with a final squeeze and got up, waiting until she was seated before he seated himself again.

Dinner proceeded without a problem, David and Maddie retold stories of their past cases, dramatizing finding Clark Graydon and laughing over the bet that they'd made.

"I won," Maddie said with a grin in David's direction. "But I took pity on him. Besides, he couldn't help himself, it comes naturally."

Mr. and Mrs. Hayes both laughed at this and David grinned. "Yep, nothing artificial about this guy," he patted himself on the chest.

Mrs. Hayes rose. "Well, as much as a pleasure it's been, we have some errands to run, so I hope you two don't mind fending for yourselves for a little while."

"No problem, I'm sure we'll find something to do," David said nonchalantly, with a sideways look at Maddie. 

Maddie smiled at her parents. "Actually, I thought we'd go get the tree, the man called and said that it was ready whenever we were, so I figured that would give David and I something to do."

As the parents disappeared into the kitchen with their dishes, David pulled Maddie into an embrace and whispered into her ear, "I'm sure we could've found something more....." he looked her up and down, "stimulating......to do while your folks were gone."

"Behave, David," was all Maddie said before she walked into the kitchen after her parents, but David caught a glimpse of her smile anyway.

~ ~ ~ 

"Hayes," Maddie said, rubbing her hands together to warm them. The woman in front of her flipped through a stack of papers attached to the clipboard without looking up.

"Yeah, it's number 245098." she loOKed up finally, and latched her eyes on David. Maddie watched as the woman's eyes traveled up and down his body and landed on his left hand. She smiled at him and batted her eyelashes.

Maddie glared and slowly reached down to grip David's left hand in her right one. "The tree?" she questioned, a trace of ice in her voice.

The woman rolled her eyes and disappeared around the side of the mobile home behind her. David turned to Maddie once she was gone and smirked. "Did I imagine it, or did you just start to resemble Frosty the snow bit - -"

Maddie slapped him on the arm hard. "Don't start with me, Addison." 

David just brought her hand to his lips and placed a warm kiss on her palm, "I wouldn't dream of it, Lady." Slowly, he inched his face closer and finally he captured her lips with his. The kiss deepened and started to spiral out of control.

Maddie jumped when a throat was cleared behind her. "Your tree?" a young man asked with a smile. He pointed to the side of the mobile home where a seven foot tree leaned against the rusting aluminum. 

"Thank you." Maddie said, breathlessly.

The man tipped his hat in their direction and started to walk back into the mobile home, but he stopped and turned, throwing something in their direction. David caught it and grinned. 

Mistletoe.

"Thought you could use it," he said before opening the door and going inside.

David laughed and placed a quick kiss on Maddie's cheek before walking over to the tree and hoisting it on top of the car.

As Maddie watched him fasten the tree to the top of the car, she wrapped her arms around herself and smiled, maybe getting content wasn't so bad after all.....

~ ~ ~ 

David pulled into the Hayes' driveway and stopped, he cut the engine and got out, immediately untying the rope that was binding the tree on his side. "Maddie, can you start on that side, please?"

They worked for about ten minutes, finally managing to get the tree down and leaning against the side of the house. 

Behind him, Maddie stooped down and picked up a bunch of snow, molding it into a ball, and flinging it at David.

David jerked forward as the snowball hit him in the back. He whipped around and stared at Maddie. She was standing in front of him with innocence written on her face.

"Did you just throw snow at me?"

Maddie smiled. "Me? Would I do something like that?"

David smiled back. "No. I guess not." He turned around and began shoving the tree again. Another ball of snow hit him in the back. David ignored it and kept to his task. But when get another hit him he leaned down and grabbed a handful of snow, flinging it back at her. 

And so the war began.

~ ~ ~ 

It was sometime later that two cold, wet people pushed the Christmas tree into the living room and got it up.

Daivd came up behind Maddie and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his head on her shoulder. Maddie sighed contentedly. "We need to decorate it."

"Don't we need to wait for your parents?" David questioned.

Maddie nodded. "For the ornaments, yes. But we can do the lights now."

They spent the next half an hour drinking eggnog and putting up Christmas lights. Five of those thirty minutes was spent untangling David from the lights.

Maddie sat down on the couch and sighed. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she whispered, the blinking lights on the Christmas tree creating strange patterns on her skin.

David sat next to her and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, beautiful. Say, your parents aren't due back for another hour....we should make good of that time, what say you?"

Maddie tilted her head up and kissed him. Pulling away, she grinned. "We, the jury, find the vote to be unanimous," she said before kissing him again and getting up. She made her way to the stairs and started up, David right behind her.

~ ~ ~

Maddie leaned back against his chest and smiled to herself. The faint smell of sunflower scented bubble bath floated up from the bathtub, making Maddie smile more, but causing David to wrinkle his nose. "I'm going to smell like a garden full of weeds when we get out," he mumbled, pulling her more firmly against him and smelling her hair.

"Well, you know, we could always just get out now...." Maddie started to rise and David pulled her back down.

"Not on your life, Blondie," he whispered into her ear as he pulled her against him again. "How long do you suppose we have until the folks get home?"

Maddie leaned over the side of the tub and picked up her watch from the toilet lid. "About forty-five minutes, I think," she replied, shifting to make herself more comfortable.

David groaned, "You need a bigger bathtub in here." he mumbled into her ear, bending his head to kiss her shoulder.

Maddie carefully picked up her body and turned, putting her chest to his. "What were you saying about a bigger tub?"

"Bigger tub? Me? I couldn't have said that." He kissed her lightly on the nose. "Closeness suits me just fine."

~ ~ ~

Maddie became aware of a stiffness in her lower back and reached around her to rub it. Her eyes snapped open, she was in water! Stifling on coming panic, she raised her head from David's chest and looked around.

The candles had long since burned out, the incense had also burned out, the smell of 'Sex on the Beach' permeated the room. Maddie grinned, it wasn't exactly the beach....she looked up at David, admiring his face as he slept.

David groaned. "I'm getting too old to be doing this, Blondie," he mumbled while shifting his body under hers. He shuddered. "This water is freezing," he complained.

"You're getting too old? Please, if you're not too old to - -"

David interrupted her, "OK, so I'm not too old, just really sore." He shifted again. "What time is it?"

Maddie's eyes went wide. "David, oh my God."

David grinned. "Haven't we been over that?"

She rolled her eyes and reached for her watch. "My parents are going to be home any time- -" the front door slammed from downstairs, "now." Maddie jumped up, all modesty forgotten, and wrapped a towel around her body.

A call came from up the stairs. "Maddie? David?"

Maddie was starting to panic, and, on top of that, her stomach had picked now to start rebelling against her. She leaned against the edge of the sink, determined to fight off the nausea. She turned quickly to tell David to hurry up and spots appeared before her eyes.

Swaying a little, Maddie blinked several times and steadied herself again on the sink. David stood and got out of the bathtub, wrapping a towel around his waist. "Maddie, you OK?"

"Yes, but my parents...." she was interrupted by a knock on the bathroom door.

"Maddie," her father's voice called out, "are you in there?"

Maddie buried her face in her hands and groaned softly. "Yes, Dad, I'm in here," she answered, glaring at David's grin.

"Where's David, sweetheart?" Her mother's voice chimed in. "I need a strong man to help with the groceries."

David opened his mouth to announce his presence but Maddie clapped a hand over his mouth. "I don't know where David is....he said something about a walk, I think."

"A walk? In this weather? It's coming down really hard out ther," Mrs. Hayes said, concern tingeing her voice.

"Well, you know David...." Maddie let the sentence trail off, falling silent to keep from being sick.

"Are you OK?" David asked, momentarily forgetting that her parents were on the other side of the door. He looked at her with his brow furrowed in concern.

"Did you say something, Maddie?" 

"Yes, but it's not important," she said, finally gaining the upper hand on her nausea. "I'll be out in a second, I was just taking a shower."

Maddie listened to the receding footsteps and let out a huge sigh. She leaned against the sink once more, the dizziness setting in again.

"What the hell was that about?" David demanded, coming to stand in front of her, a glare replacing his earlier grin.

Maddie sat down on the side of the bathtub and let the water out. "What the hell was what about?" she asked, feigning ignorance.

"You just went to great lengths to not get caught with me. You act like your parents never...."

Maddie interrupted him with a disgusted look. "Thank you, David, that is quite enough," she said, leaning her head on her elbows and trying to dissuade her stomach from giving up her dinner.

"What, that's all I get? No clever repartee?" he asked, mystified and a bit concerned.

"I'm too tired to argue with you tonight, David," Maddie said, rubbing her eyes slightly. "I just want to go to bed." She got up and put on her robe, shivering when the cool air made contact with her skin.

David stopped her as she was headed to the door. "Whoa. Wait a second. I want to know why we're hiding our relationship from your parents like it's a bad thing." He stared into her eyes, searching for an answer.

Maddie sighed. "It's not a bad thing, David. I'm just not ready to - -"

David interrupted her. "Make it public. Seems to me we've played this scene before." He let go of her shoulders. "You don't want to tell anyone, I tell someone, you get confused, run off to Chicago." He stopped pacing and smiled at her with no hint of humor. "You could continue this game and run back to LA......but I can't guarantee I'll play this time, Blondie." With that, David opened the bathroom door and hurried down the hall to the guest room, slamming the door slightly behind him.

Maddie winced and felt the tears start to well up in her eyes again. She wiped at them angrily and slipped on her slippers, padding down the hall to her room.

~ ~ ~

Maddie rolled over onto her back and frowned at the ceiling.

She hadn't meant what she'd said earlier, about the keeping it secret. Their relationship. She smiled at the thought and made herself say it out loud, "Our relationship." She giggled for no reason and slipped out of bed. 

Maddie eased open the door to her bedroom and crept out into the hall. She closed the door quietly and tiptoed down to the guest room. Opening the door, she stood in the doorway and watched him sleep for a few moments. The moonlight shined just right and struck his hair, bringing out the various shades of brown in it. What was left of it, anyway.

She walked the rest of the way in and carefully climbed onto the bed, picking up his arm and lying down, she placed his arm around her waist. David leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, "You're forgiven," right before he rolled her onto her back and brought his mouth down on hers.

~ ~ ~ 

Maddie was gone when he awoke, but David had known she probably would be. He chuckled. After last night, the bathtub, and then another last night, he was surprised she had found the strength to even get out of bed.

David rolled onto his side and touched the side of the bed where Maddie had been laying just hours before. He was tired of sneaking around. The employees suspected, but didn't know for sure. David had been living with Maddie for a month now, his things were officially at her place, minus the weight bench and his bed - the latter of which had been a piece of crap to begin with.

But the fact that she didn't want anyone else to know baffled and hurt David. He had told her numerous times that he loved her and would go along with anything she wanted, as long as it didn't start with the word pact. 

They held hands on cases, and several times, had been close to getting caught kissing in the office. But the staff had no clue how serious it was getting. For that matter, neither did Maddie. 

It wasn't that marriage was out of the question, it was just that the subject hadn't been broached since they had lost the baby, and David was hesitant to bring it up again.

David put a hand over his heart and breathed in deeply. He wasn't sure if she was ready for the subject to be brought up again. Hell, he wasn't sure **_he_ **was ready for the subject to be brought up again.

The ring sat in his coat pocket, nestled safely inside of a blue velvet box, just waiting for the perfect time to present itself. David had seen the ring in the window of a store in the mall and alarm bells had gone off in his head. It was the perfect ring, a diamond solitaire, perfect without being gaudy.

He just needed the perfect time to pop the question. He had actually contemplated it in the moments after they had gotten into the bathtub, but, seeing as how the ring was in his coat pocket and his coat was down the hall.....besides, after a couple of minutes, he had forgotten about it anyway.

But now, it sat like a time bomb, weighting down his pocket, making him second guess himself. David sat up in bed, flinging the covers back, then regretting it when the cold air made contact with his warm skin.

David stretched and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, then, remembering the parents downstairs, pulled on a sweater too. He opened the door and walked down the hallway, whistling.

He stopped at the foot of the stairs and took a deep breath. The smell of eggs and bacon filled the air, and David stood out of sight and watched Maddie and her mother in the kitchen, smiling to himself.

Maddie flipped a piece of bacon onto a paper towel to drain, the look on her face thoughtful. She thoughtlessly placed her hand over her abdomen and grinned. Then, realizing what she was doing, she glanced quickly at her mother. 

Mrs. Hayes was, thankfully, making orange juice and seemed oblivious to what Maddie was doing. David watched with a bit of perplexion, but shrugged it off, deciding he'd think about it later.

"Maddie...." Mrs. Hayes started, "I don't mean to pry into your personal life...."

Maddie turned, spatula in hand. "Then don't," she said simply. "Mom, if you're going to ask about David.....I don't know what to tell you."

Mrs. Hayes shook her head. "You two....I don't know what to do with you."

Maddie smiled. "We're working on it. It's just going to take a little time, that's all." It was Maddie's turn to shake her head. "Believe me, you're no more confused than I am."

"Is marriage a possibility, then?" 

"Mother!" Maddie laughed in spite of herself. "I don't know. Marriage? To David?" She sighed. "I don't know. It's never really come up." She turned back to the stove. "I suppose that it's a possibility. Yes, it's a definite possibility." 

"Well, I'm glad. You two are perfect for one another." 

Maddie choked on the orange juice she was attempting to swallow. "Perfect? Me and David? David and me?" She scoffed, "If there were any two people that were less perfect for each other...." 

"Well, I don't care what you say, I know what I see." Mrs. Hayes turned around and poured the rest of the orange juice into a pitcher, setting it on the table. 

David saw the perfect opening and walked into the kitchen, a smile on his face. "Morning ladies." He kissed Maddie's mother on the cheek and then walked over to Maddie, grinning at her. "Sleep well?" he kissed Maddie lightly on the lips. "I know I did."

Maddie smiled and swatted David's hand away from the bacon sitting on the counter. "That's for breakfast, go sit down."

Despite Maddie's attempt, David snagged a piece of bacon and hurried away with it, just barely missing the swing of the spatula. He laughed and sat down. "You know, at home, we don't let Maddie near the kitchen. She tried to burn it down a couple weeks ago."

Mrs. Hayes eyebrows went up at the 'we'. Maddie just smiled at her and glared at David. "I did NOT try to burn it down....I just...." She blushed and turned back to the stove.

"I have to hear about this one," Mr. Hayes said from the foot of the stairs. 

David turned to Maddie's father and grinned. "Well, I'd love to tell it, but...." he looked toward Maddie and smiled.

"Oh, what the hell, go ahead," she said, setting down the spatula and putting the bacon in the oven to keep it warm before taking the seat next to David.

David grinned. "Well, it was about, I don't know, seven or eight in the morning. Maddie was attempting to make breakfast." He shook his head, his grin growing wider. "Apparently, while she was getting the muffins from the oven, an oven mitt dropped in. But at least we had a fire extinguisher handy." He looked over at Maddie, whose cheeks were tinged with a slight pinkish hue and smiled at her.

"I think I'll stick to store bought from now on," she said, not meeting anyone's eye.

~ ~ ~

The day passed with no complications, besides Maddie's being queasy every time she so much as caught a glimpse of food. Filling itself up with stolen kisses and intimate glances between Maddie and David. 

If Maddie calculated correctly, she was about three or four weeks pregnant. It had been a little over a month since David had moved his things into her house, so that would make it about right.

She was going to tell him over dinner tonight. Butterflies were swirling in her stomach and she'd decided when he'd told her he was taking her out to dinner. 

That had been over two hours ago. 

And now, here she stood, staring at herself in the full length mirror with the same butterflies eating away at her self confidence.

How would he react? Would he be happy? Maddie shook her head, trying to clear it. It didn't matter what his reaction was....well, that wasn't exactly true, but she didn't care....well, that wasn't true either.

"Dammit," she said, more a sigh than a curse.

A knock on the door signaled David's arrival. "Maddie? You almost ready?" he called through the door, his hand nervously brushing the sides of his suit.

He was going to ask her tonight. No more waiting. No more hesitating. No more! He didn't know what he'd do if she said no, but he felt he had to ask. He loved her, she loved him....what the hell was their problem?

David's thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Maddie stood in the doorway, dressed in a simple white gown that reached her ankles with a slit up to her thigh that was only visible when she walked. 

He whistled and handed her the rose. "Why have I never seen this before?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

Maddie smiled and sniffed the delicate red flower. "I've been saving it for a special occasion," she replied with a twinkle in her eyes, "and tonight seemed special enough." 

David smiled and held out his arm. "Shall we, Ms. Hayes?"

Maddie's smile widened. "My pleasure, Mr. Addison."

~ ~ ~ 

David pulled the car into the nearest parking space and turned the engine off. Turning to Maddie, he said, "We're here."

Maddie looked at the restaurant before her and frowned in confusion. "David, do you know where we are?" she questioned lightly.

He nodded. "Yep. The Hamburger Palace." He pulled the emergency brake up on the car. "Now come on, I'm hungry."

Her confusion deepened. "But...."

David was already out of the car and walking around to her side. He opened her door for her and took her hand as she got out. They walked hand in hand to the front door of the 'restaurant', eliciting more than a couple odd looks on their way there.

As they sat down at a table in the back corner, David grinned. "You're probably wondering - -"

"What we're doing here? You could say that," she replied with a smile.

"Well - -"

David was interrupted by a waiter coming up to the table, two plates in his hand. He placed one in front of David and one in front of Maddie, smiled, then left.

Maddie glanced up at David. "We didn't order," she said.

David grinned. "I know. But now you know what it's like to go out for cheeseburgers. That's two out of...how many?"

The perplexion didn't disappear from her face.

"Just one of the many things you said. You didn't know what it felt like to go shopping, we've done that. You said you didn't know what it was like to go for cheeseburgers....now we've done that too." He grinned, obviously happy with himself.

Maddie couldn't help but grin. "Hell of a memory, Addison," she commented before picking up her cheeseburger and taking a bite.

They ate in silence, besides the occasional small talk. It was about thirty minutes later that David finally got up enough nerve to pull the small velvet box out of his pocket. It was another five minutes before he was able to muster enough courage to actually get out of his seat and walk calmly over to hers.

"David, are you OK?" Maddie asked, a bit alarmed at his sudden rising. She watched as he took a deep breath and her eyes widened as he bent down on one knee. "David...."

Bringing the box out from behind his back, David set it on the table and took Maddie's hand. "Madolyn Hayes, you are the best thing that ever walked into my office.....will you marry me?" He reached for the ring box and opened it.

Maddie's breath caught in her throat as she stared down at the ring. She hadn't been expecting this. Now, she didn't know how to react.

"David....it's beautiful....I don't know what to say," she admitted with a small embarrassed smile.

"Well, you're in luck, because I know what you should say," he replied, smiling nervously, he slipped the ring onto her finger. "Say yes, Maddie."

Maddie grinned suddenly and her eyes filled with tears. "Yes, Maddie."

David stayed on bended knee for the next few seconds, trying to figure out if he'd just dreamed the last few minutes. But seeing the tears and the big smile on Maddie's face, he jumped up and pulled her from the chair, kissing her.

There was clapping and cheering around them and Maddie pulled away from him and looked around. All eyes were on them, most of the women were crying, and the men were watching with grins.

"I think we have their approval," David whispered in Maddie's ear. "Let's get out of here." 

David paid the waiter and, taking Maddie's hand, they left the restaurant.

~ ~ ~

"Where are you taking us?" David asked thirty minutes later as Maddie maneuvered her mother's car onto a dirt road.

"You'll see, it's not that much farther, I promise," she said. Suddenly, there was a loud bang and the car skidded. 

They sat in the silence for a couple of minutes before David spoke up. "I take it we're here?" His answer was a glare. "OK, maybe not."

"I think we blew a tire," Maddie said, opening her car door.

David got out and went to stand beside Maddie, who was standing next to the right front tire. "Looks blown to me," he said, kicking it.

There was a clicking sound behind David and a voice said. "Your hands above your head, if you please."

David turned around slowly, finding himself facing a nervous looking little man with a weasely face, holding a gun.

"Look, man, I don't want to hurt anyone, just give me your wallet." The little man with the weasely face reached out for David's wallet. He opened it and sighed in disgust at the lack of money. "What, do you work for the government or something?"

David smiled. "Something like that."

The little man frowned at him and then turned his gaze on Maddie. "OK, Blondie, hand over your purse." Maddie flinched only slightly at the name calling. With David, it was more of an endearment than insult, but the way the man said it made Maddie feel dirty.

She once again looked at the gun, though, and handed over her purse without another word, placing her hand protectively over her abdomen in the process. The man looked around and spied the diamond solitaire on Maddie's finger. "Now the ring."

David took a step towards the man. "Not the ring," he said menacingly.

"Hey, who's holding the gun here? That's right, me!" He pointed to himself with the muzzle of the gun, then suddenly realized his mistake and pointed it back at David. "Now, hand over the ring."

"I said, not the ring," David reinstated defiantly.

The man pointed the gun at Maddie. "Come on, Lady, I don't want to have to shoot anyone." He cocked the pistol.

There was a burst of sound and the man went sprawling back. He stood in horror until, finally, he realized what he'd done. "Oh, dear God, I shot her." He looked at David and said it again, then went running off into the woods.

~ ~ ~ 

David saw her body jerk, heard her startled gasp, felt the air whoosh past him as the bullet whizzed by. But, in shock, he just stood there, willing her in his mind to get up.

Suddenly, as if pushed by some unknown force, David knelt next to Maddie. There was blood everywhere. He'd never seen so much blood. 

David's body took over his actions, he was working on pure instinct, her life depended on it. He quickly untied his tie and as gently as he could, wrapped it around her shoulder, trying to stop the blood flow.

He shifted her body and picked her up, cuddling her against his chest. Maddie moaned and then stilled. David's heart beat a rapid staccato in his chest, "I'm here, baby, you're going to be fine." he slowly stood and began walking quickly down the road. 

"Maddie," he said to her as he walked. "Maddie. Come on, Blondie, this isn't the time to be stubborn, answer me!" 

Nothing. No words came out of her mouth, her eyes didn't open to show the beautiful sparkle they held. Nothing.

He pulled her even tighter against his chest, holding her as tightly as he could. He began to run. He felt his shoe fly off of his foot, and he kicked the other off as well. His stockinged feet pounded down the side of the road, looking for a sign, any sign, of life. His heart beat in his throat, he could smell the steely odor of blood.

Her blood.

Each breath was a fight. Each stride desperation. He kept running, his arms were numb. His legs ached. His throat burned. Though he didn't know if it was from exertion or emotion.

He looked down at her face. It was gray. Her lips were lax and chalky. He couldn't feel her breathe. He wanted to feel her heart beat.

He couldn't stop, he just ran.

Had he told her today? Had he said it? Had he told her he loved her? "I love you," he said in a rasp of breath. "Can you hear me? Don't ever doubt those words, Maddie. I mean them, more and more each day. I love you."

Every breath he took, he said it, "I love you."

Every step he took, he said it, "I love you."

He looked down at her, seeing nothing with his eyes, but seeing all with his memory; The first time in his office. The first time in her bed. Suddenly, he could remember every fight they'd ever had. Every word out of hate that should have been said in love. Waking up next to her every morning for the past month. Seeing her face just a few short hours ago when he'd presented her with the ring. Seeing his toothbrush next to hers in the bathroom and his blue razor beside her pink one.

He saw a woman that, no matter how hard she tried, couldn't quite pull off the act of being completely cold and uncaring. He saw the woman that had traveled all the way to New York to be with him. He saw the woman who could take one look at him and know what he was thinking. Who knew how he liked his coffee; what he ate for breakfast. 

He saw the woman that, after making love, would throw on his shirt and go down to the kitchen for a snack. He saw the future mother of his children. 

David ran faster. 

As he ran, he begged silently. 

**__**

Please God, don't take her. He promised penance and faith.

**__**

Just save her. He offered wealth.

**__**

Take anything you want, just don't take her. He promised things that had once meant so much.

**__**

Take everything. He promised anything.

**__**

I'll be anything for her, I swear. Just don't take her from me. Even himself.

Living without her wasn't an option. It was more terrifying than anything he could ever imagine. David stared up at the sky and, one of the few times in his life, used the Lord's name in vain. "God dammit! You listen to me. Listen, damn you." His voice trailed off. "Please listen. Someone." He looked down at her. "You have to be all right, don't die on me. Not now."

He began to cry then. The harder he ran, the harder he cried.

"David." It was barely a whisper, but he heard it as well as felt it. Her eyes were open.

"Oh, God, Maddie. Can you hear me?"

Her face was wet from his tears. "Are you crying?"

"Yeah," he admitted without any hint of being ashamed.

"Thought so." She paused. "You were yelling, David."

"Only because I thought you weren't listening, baby."

Her only answer was a ragged breath.

"I love you."

There was no answer.

"I love you," he said louder, above the pounding of his feet on the pavement, above the pounding of his heart on his ribs.

"I know." Her eyes drifted closed.

He ran and ran, onward, down the never ending road, not knowing how far, not knowing how long. Only knowing he had to.

David felt the ground change and found himself staring down a hill at the lights of Chicago. Giving a shout of joy, he started down the hill. 

~ ~ ~ 

David pushed through the doors of the hospital and stopped, his numb body coming back to life with the invasion of heat.

Recovering in an instant, he ran the rest of the way to the nurses station, oblivious to the stares of onlookers.

The nurse looked up and started in surprise, "Sir?"

"Help her, please," he said, his voice scratchy and desperate in his ears. "She's been shot. Please help her." David could feel the tears running down his face, but he didn't pay attention to them. Dear God, what was taking the woman so long, Maddie was dying, HIS Maddie, and she was moving in slow motion.

It seemed hours later when the doctor came out, hurriedly wheeling a gurney. "Is she your wife?" he asked David as he examined Maddie.

"No," David replied.

The doctor stopped his exam for a moment and looked at David. "What is your relationship to the victim, Sir?"

Running a hand through his hair, David shook his head. "Will she be all right?"

"I'm going to have to ask you to call her family...."

David felt his temper slipping. "There are not words to explain what this woman means to me," he said, choking on the statement. "Please, will she be OK?"

The doctor ignored David's question and motioned for the nurses that were standing by. "Get her to surgery, NOW." He turned back to David. "You'll need to fill out some paperwork."

David grabbed the man by the front of his coat. "Is she going to be all right?" he repeated, his teeth gritted, murder in his eyes.

The doctor slowly extracted David's fingers and looked at him with pity, "That remains to be seen, Mr....?"

"Addison," David supplied, seeing that committing manslaughter wasn't going to help Maddie. "Where's the paperwork?"

~ ~ ~

David wearily finished filling out the last form and slammed down the pen and clip board holding the infuriating things onto the counter. He had just about had enough of everyone, he couldn't get a straight answer out of anyone, just that it still 'remained to be seen'.

He glared at the nurse behind the cubicle wall and starting wandering down the corridor. He got to the surgery doors and made a quick decision. 

He pushed through the doors and came to a halt when he saw Maddie lying on the table. The doctor turned at his entrance and settled his gaze upon David with an angry but sympathetic glare. "Mr. Addison, there is nothing you can do to help us save her life, but if you stay, you might help us lose it," he said bluntly.

David nodded his head, the tears still flowing freely down his face. "You'll let me know...."

The doctor clapped David on the shoulder sympathetically. "Of course."

David walked a few feet to the door and looked back, the pain making his eyes glow, "I asked her to marry me tonight," he said dumbly, wiping a tear from his cheek. He walked out of the operating room and slumped into a waiting room chair. He must have been more exhausted than he thought, David fell into a dreamless sleep.

~ ~ ~

David awoke with a start, "Maddie!"

But he wasn't in their bed at home, he wasn't at the bed at her parents house, and the face he saw wasn't Maddie's. "Doctor...." But David didn't have to ask, the sympathy and pain in the his eyes were enough. 

The tears started again. "She's gone, isn't she?"

The doctor shook his head. "Not yet. She's slipping though. She wants to see you." 

David nodded and stood up from the chair, stretching his muscles and trying to think about a life without her. Waking up without seeing her face, never hearing her laugh, never kissing her again. He followed the doctor through a pair of double doors and there she was.

Maddie was lying on a table, her once pearl white dress now stained an awful red. She was paler than David had ever seen her, her blonde hair was matted with sweat and stained a little red from where David had touched her.

He toOK a deep breath and walked the rest of the way to the bed. "Maddie?" he said quietly, his voice a slight rasp. He cleared it and tried again, "Maddie?"

She turned her head ever so slightly. "David." 

David sat in the chair beside her bed. "You look beautiful," he said with as much of a smile as he could muster.

Maddie grinned. "I look like shit, David."

"We all have our moments," he said with a slight frown.

Maddie laughed shortly. "David, promise me something."

"Anything."

"Find someone," was all she said, but it brought more tears to his eyes and he wiped at them hastily.

"Hell, Maddie....." he started.

"Don't argue with me about this, Addison. I know you, I know you'll mope and be depressed." She coughed slightly. "I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Maddie. I'm happier than I've ever been, and when you get better....."

"David.....I'm not getting better." She winced at the pain on his face, the pain had left her body, she felt nothing. "I love you, David."

The machine by the bed started to beep rapidly, and the lines started to get jagged. A nurse came running into the room, followed by three doctors. "Mr. Addison, please wait outside."

David stood back, but refused to leave the room, and, as he watched them try to save her life, he cried silently.

__

What ravages of spirit  
Conjured this temptuous rage  
Created you a monster  
BrOKen by the rules of love  
And fate has lead you through it  
You do what you have to do  
And fate has led you through it  
You do what you have to do ...  
  
And I have the sense to recognize that  
I don't know how to let you go  
Every moment marked  
With apparitions of your soul  
I'm ever swiftly moving  
Trying to escape this desire  
The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
The yearning to be near you  
I do what I have to do  
But I have the sense to recognize  
  
That I don't know how  
To let you go  
I don't know how  
To let you go  
  
A glowing ember  
Burning hot  
Burning slow  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence  
Of existing for only you  
  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
I know I can't be with you  
I do what I have to do  
And I have sense to recognize but  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go  
I don't know how to let you go  
  
David couldn't stand it any longer. The machine was one continuously long beep and he knew what that meant. No one was doing anything. She was dying, and no one was doing anything.

"Do something, damn you!" he yelled to the doctors standing by. "She's dying, do something to save her!"

All of the doctors turned and gave him looks of sympathy, one approached. "We're doing all we can, Mr. Addison. Please, wait out - -"

David jerked out of his grasp. "She's flatlining, dammit. Do something!"

"Clear!" Maddie's body raised off of the table and suddenly, the infernal beeping stopped.

David felt a tear slide down his cheek, but he didn't seem to notice, or he didn't seem to care. He watched as they pulled a white sheet over her head and listened as the time of death was announced. And then David Addison did something he'd never done before: he fainted.


	2. Letting Go

__

A quick thanks go to: Aubrey, the typo queen, which I suppose would make me the typo princess (I kow, you chiken) Heather, my long lost twin and for letting me bounce ideas off of her (And for being my lifesaver at three in the morning) and Branham, my beta, who has saved my butt with my typos more than once :) Thanks everyone, without you guys, this would be an unintelligible mess!

Zoom in on Agnes and Bert, sitting at a desk in Blue Moon.

Agnes: As all of you know, Moonlighting ended tragically last week. We have had a lot of demands for the show tonight, and hopefully, all of you enraged fans out there will understand that the writer really was only doing what she thought necessary. Please, no more violent mail, ok?

Bert: Agnes, all she wanted us to do was remind them what happened last week.

Agnes: Right, anyway.............Mr. Addison and Ms. Hayes have been living together for about a month now, and with the Christmas season coming, they decided to go to the Hayes' for the holiday. _*Clip of David and Maddie on the plane*_ then, Mr. Addison and Ms. Hayes went out to dinner, and Mr. Addison proposed!_ *Clip of David on his knee, slipping the ring onto her finger* _

Agnes becomes very sad and her voice gets quiet.

Agnes: On their way back to the Hayes' residence, they blew a tire _*Clip of Maddie and David standing by the car, David kicks it* _

Bert: Some bastard came up behind them with a gun, when Ms. Hayes wouldn't give him her ring, he shot her and ran away._ *Clip of Maddie crumpling to the ground* _Mr. Addison ran with her all the way to the hospital, but he got there too late._ *Clip of David watching the monitor as it flat lines*_ And that's where we stopped last week.

Agnes is crying silently. Bert hugs her and says softly;

Bert: Roll the credits, please.

MOONLIGHTING OPENING CREDITS

Letting Go

Part 2

David sat up on the hard bench seat and rubbed his red, puffy eyes. No sooner had he stopped rubbing them than the tears overwhelmed him again. He put his face in his hands and cried silently.

It was too soon, too soon for her to be taken from him. Five years wasn't enough, not for them, not by a long shot.

Had it really only been five years? It seemed so much shorter. 

It couldn't have been five years since she had walked into his office and fired him. Five years since they had been tied up together and threatened with a sausage. Five years since he had so unknowingly fallen in love.

As he sat on the bench in the waiting room, he prepared himself for the calls he would have to make. The call to Maddie's parents had already been made, but the snow was so heavy that they couldn't get out of the house. He needed to call the office, tell them.......tell them what?

Maddie was dead. Dead. 

  
He hated that word. It was so final, and it made David shudder to think that he'd never hear her laugh, never hear her sing, never see her glare or the way she always looked at him after he said something stupid. Never again would he experience her temper, or the heat of her glare.

He cried harder as he sat all alone in the hospital waiting room, his tears soaking his clothes.

She was gone.

~ ~ ~ 

The arrangements for the funeral were made, the eulogy written, the decision that the tombstone would simply say: Madolyn Hayes 1950-1989 Beloved daughter and partner. 

As David stood in the Hayes' living room after the burial, sipping a glass of wine, he looked around at everyone. 

"Maddie would have hated this," he muttered to himself, setting his glass down on a nearby table. All of the people around him were crying, David's were the only dry eyes in the house. He couldn't cry anymore, he had already out cried himself. He looked at the basket of red roses sitting by him and plucked one from it's space.

Making his way to the door, David grabbed his coat and walked out, ignoring all of the looks of pity he received as he got into the limo and told the chauffer to drive.

As they reached the cemetery, David swallowed the lump in his throat and got out of the limo, thanking the driver and telling him to go, that he'd just walk back.

Walking slowly along the rows of tombstones, David felt his heart rise in his throat. She was here, among all of these people now. She didn't belong here. 

He found himself standing before her a couple of minutes later, and the tears all at once flooded his eyes and obscured his vision. Her name stood out, as if mocking him with it's finality. David reached into his pocket and took out the ring, gently rolling it back and forth between his thumb and forefinger.

He knelt down in front of the tombstone, placing the simple red rose on the grave. He traced her name and then the date, not noticing the tears that were dripping down his chin. He mumbled as he knelt on the newly filtered earth.

"Please don't leave me. I love you." it became a chant as David cried and the wind blew, and suddenly there was someone calling his name.

"Mr. Addison....Mr. Addison? Are you ok?"

Through a thick fog, David made out a figure standing beside him. Not knowing who she was, he jumped up and ran after her.

~ ~ ~

As the tall thin man before her swayed unsteadily on his feet, Sabrina Walters, candy striper, touched his upper arm to try to steady him. "Mr. Addison?" She tried once again to raise the man out of his deep sleep.

His eyes popped open and he stared in confusion at Sabrina. She stared back, captivated by the emotion in the green depths.

"You were having a bad dream, I thought that maybe you would appreciate...." her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard, having a hard time talking under the gaze of such powerful emotion.

David brought a hand to his head and rubbed his eyes. "I was dreaming?" he asked, his voice husky from sleep.

Sabrina nodded, fiddling with the ring on her ring finger. "You were shouting. I've never heard such an awful sound before."

He moved his hand down and covered his chest over his heart. "Dream," he repeated, sitting down heavily on the bench behind him.

She nodded again, kneeling beside him. "Can I get you something to drink? Coffee maybe?" she asked, in the hope that with a little caffeine in his system, he might abandon the lost look on his face.

David shook his head. "No, I'm ok." He raised his head to look in her eyes. "Have they said anything about her?"

Sabrina winced. "It's touch and go," she whispered, instinctively placing her hand over his on his knee, "But they think she'll be ok."

He studied the young lady in front of him, she couldn't have been more than seventeen, but there was something in her eyes. "Maybe some coffee would be a good idea," he said with as much of a smile as he could muster.

Sabrina let go of his hand with a small pat and walked over to the coffee machine, flipping the switch to turn it on. As she was waiting for the coffee to brew, she thought about what little she knew about the couple that had come bursting through the hospital doors just hours before.

The woman she recognized from old magazines her mother had kept. She was the Blue Moon Shampoo Girl turned private eye. The man she had never heard of, but she knew by the forms that he was her partner and fiancé, and she knew from the emotion in his eyes that he had a great passion for the woman that lay dying just feet away from him.

And she knew that it must be killing him to not be able to do anything. 

The small beep ripped her away from her thoughts, and Sabrina turned back to the coffee machine, pouring a cup of coffee for him. Leaving it black, she carefully carried it back to him.

"Mr. Addison?"

David's head jerked up at the saying of his name. He stared into her brown eyes and shivered - they were so unlike the blue ones he was used to looking into.

Sabrina pushed the cup of steaming hot liquid into his hands and pulled back, kneeling once again in front of him.

David stared dumbly down at the warm black liquid in the small cup. "Thank you," he said, looking up into her eyes.

Sabrina took a breath and patted him on the shoulder lightly. "Is there anyone I can call for you?" she asked quietly.

David shook his head. "I called her parents, but the snow is too deep and they won't be able to get here for another couple of hours."

She nodded. "I'll keep her in my prayers, Mr. Addison," she said with a small smile.

David smiled at her. "Maddie would appreciate that."

Sabrina grasped his hand briefly and then walked away, wiping a tear from her cheek.

David leaned back against the back of the rock hard bench and sipped the inky liquid, cringing slightly at the taste. Getting up, he walked over to the coffee counter and emptied about five sugars into the cup, stirring it with a straw. 

He wasn't going to risk falling asleep again. He shuddered as he recalled the realness of the dream, everything had been so lifelike. 

Taking a sip of the coffee, David cringed again, now it was sickeningly sweet. Muttering an oath, he threw the Styrofoam cup into the trash can.

He wandered around the waiting room, growing more agitated with each passing minute, until he had had enough waiting. Grabbing his jacket from the bench, he threw it on and walked over to the nurses station. "I'm going to leave my beeper number...." the sentence trailed off as the nurse nodded her understanding.

Not smiling for fear that it would look frightening, David walked out of the room.

~ ~ ~ 

He wandered the halls of the hospital, not knowing what else to do, but knowing that he couldn't sit still anymore. Without realizing it, David found himself in the maternity ward. 

Not sure what the effect of babies on him would be, David proceeded through these halls with caution. He came to the viewing window and stopped, mesmerized by the tiny humans on the other side of the glass.

He looked down at his watch and his eyes widened at the date. It was December 16, how could they have forgotten? How could _he_ have forgotten?

"A year and a week." he muttered as he stared at the infants.

It had been a year and a week since that day at the baby shower. That awful, terrifying day. David could still feel her body tremble as she sank to the floor, and the look in her eyes. He knew that the look had mirrored his own. 

Confusion, hurt, anger, and the most terrifying of all: pain. 

Her pain. His pain. Their pain. It all mixed together to cause one huge plethora of pain. 

David didn't know how long he stood there, but he did notice the nurse when she came to retrieve a baby. She gave him a weird look and he decided he'd been there long enough. Giving one last longing look at the babies, he started to walk away. 

An awful beeping filled the air and David felt his heart stop. He took off running down the hall, back towards the waiting room he'd left almost an hour before.

~ ~ ~

Sabrina met him at the door, smiling. "The doctor would like to see you, Mr. Addison," she said, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "Congratulations, by the way, I hear you're getting married." With that, the young woman walked off down the corridor, whistling.

Doctor Majors came out of the double doors, weary looking. He peeled a latex glove off of his hand and sighed. "Mr. Addison?"

"How is she?" he asked before the doctor could utter another word.

Majors smiled. "She's going to be fine."

David let out a sigh that he didn't know he'd been holding in and rocked back on his heels, "I can't thank you enough," he said, shaking the doctor's hand. "Can I see her now?"

He started towards the doors without waiting for an answer. The doctor grabbed David's arm as he was walking by. "Mr. Addison," he pulled him back to face him, "aren't you curious about the baby?"

David stared at him, perplexed. "Baby?"

The doctor ran his non-gloved hand through his hair. "You didn't know," he said.

David's confusion slowly began to fade to shock. "She's pregnant?" he asked with a growing happiness and then a sense of dread. They had almost lost Maddie, was there a way a baby could survive when its mother barely could?

Major's shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Addison," he said softly, "we had a hard enough time saving her....a child....there wasn't a chance."

"How far along was she?" David asked, his voice almost inaudible.

"She was about four and a half weeks," he replied.

David nodded slowly. "Has she woken up at all?" 

"Yes. She knew about the baby. Mr. Addison, it might be best not to mention it to her right away, she was extremely upset when she awoke. But she asked for you." 

David smiled sadly. "Thank you, Doctor." He paused. "Would you please call her parents? I just want to...." the sentence trailed off and the doctor nodded.

David mumbled a 'thank you' and disappeared through the double doors. 

~ ~ ~

She was lying on an icy cold table. The frostiness sunk into her bones and seemed to reach into her soul. Maddie tried to sit up, only to fall back at the agonizing pain the movement had caused her.

"Ms. Hayes, please lie still." A voice sank through the fogginess and Maddie felt confusion overtake her. She picked up her head and attempted to open her eyes.

The pain came over her again and Maddie lay back down, breathing heavily. "David." his name rolled off of her lips as the blackness invaded her once again.

~ ~ ~

David walked through another pair of double doors and stopped when he saw her. She was deathly pale, and David was reminded of his dream as he walked the rest of the way into the room.

He stood about four feet from her, looking over her body carefully, taking in every inch of her. The body he had so recently held against his own seemed to have shrunk a dozen sizes since the last time. The table made her seem even more fragile than David had come to realize that she was.

Walking the rest of the way to the bed, he saw the traces of red in her hair and shuddered. His dream came back to him full force and thankfully, there was a chair behind him. Landing heavily in the before mentioned chair, David gasped for breath.

It had been too real, nothing like anything that he'd ever dreamed before. He shook his head and carefully picked up Maddie's hand from the bed, bringing his head down and resting it against the soft flesh. 

Saying a prayer of thanks, David kissed her hand and rested his forehead against the bed, slipping easily into a light sleep.

David had no idea how long he'd slept, but the next time he woke, Maddie's parents were standing behind him, worried looks adorning their usually jovial faces.

He stood and hugged his future mother-in-law, then turned and hugged her husband. "She's stable," he whispered. "They think she's going to be fine."

Mr. Hayes motioned David out of the room and into the hall. "How is she really?" he asked, his heart in his eyes.

David smiled faintly. "She's going to be fine, Mr. Hayes." he said firmly. "She's got to be fine. We're getting married next month."

For the first time in seventy-two hours, David Addison smiled for real. "Why don't we all go down for a cup of coffee?" Mr. Hayes suggested. "You look like you could use some."

David nodded and waited in the hallway as he went to get Mrs. Hayes.

"She's going to be fine," he mumbled to himself, the smile not leaving his face.

~ ~ ~

Maddie felt as if a Mack truck had run over her a couple hundred times. She didn't even attempt to move, not wanting to set off another bout of agonizing pain.

She took inventory of her wounds, trying to clear her mind of pain so that she could tell what was hurting her and where.

There was a dull ache going through her head, but it seemed far off, so she ignored it. The pain in her legs and stomach was more intense and she paid the most attention to that. 

Suddenly, Maddie remembered all of the previous night's exertions and she slowly picked up her left hand.

The diamond was gone from her finger.

Tears prickled under Maddie's eyelids and she placed the same hand over her abdomen. The baby was gone. Their baby was gone. 

David hadn't even known. She'd never told him. Maddie felt the guilt pour over her. She'd done it again. Without even realizing it, she'd repeated her past mistake.

She hadn't told him for fear of him rejecting her. Being angry with her for getting pregnant again. She had kept it from him, not thinking about David's feelings, or the baby, for that matter, but for her own selfish reasons, she hadn't told him.

And now it was too late. She would never know if he would have been happy or not. And it was her own damn fault.

"Strike two," she whispered.

~ ~ ~ 

David left the café earlier than the Hayes, saying that he wanted to check on Maddie. Taking the stairs instead of the elevator, he took a detour to the chapel.

He poked his head in the door, and, upon seeing no one was in there, walked the rest of the way in. 

Feeling a little awkward and foolish, David kneeled at the altar and made the sign of the cross on his chest before reciting the Lord's prayer. Then, taking a deep breath, he started;

"I know I don't have the right to ask for anything. The last time I was in a church, it was to throw a wedding, and even that wasn't with good intentions. So I'm not really sure why I'm here.

"That's not true, I know exactly why I'm here. You've got two of them now, whether the first one was mine or not, they were both hers. I know that you know I had a little sister, and she's with you too. I guess I'm here because I want to know that there is someone up there looking out for the three of them. And my mother.

"I know you must get a lot of people in here feeling sorry for themselves, and I'm no exception. Why did this have to happen again? Do you have something against us being happy? 

"I can't stay with her after this. I had a hard time staying the first time, but now this has happened....I could have saved her, if I had given him the ring.....But I suppose that doesn't really matter. Knowing that I could have done something and didn't, I just can't look at her everyday knowing that.

"I guess I'm here for forgiveness too, because I know she won't. So please help her to understand."

He bowed his head and made the sign of the cross again, "Thank you."

Nodding his head toward a statue of Christ, David walked out of the chapel, wiping the lingering tears from his cheek. He wearily climbed the remaining two flights of stairs and continued his journey down the melancholy white walls until he came to room 1194. 

Knocking lightly just in case she was with the doctor, and getting no reply, David opened the door and walked in, careful to be quiet once he saw she was still asleep.

Maddie was almost in the same position she had been in when he'd left her only minutes before. Now, though, her left hand was placed over her abdomen. 

David blinked back the tears that were coming easier and easier these days and muttered to himself, "Strike two."

~ ~ ~

The early morning sunlight filtered through the dark hospital room, creating shifting patterns on the far wall. Maddie opened her eyes and resisted the urge to stretch her tired and aching muscles.

How long had she occupied this bed? It felt like she hadn't moved in over a year. 

Stretching her head carefully to the side, Maddie saw David curled up in a nearby chair, a couple days growth of beard on his face.

Trying to sit up proved futile and she sank back to her pillows with a sigh of pain. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and blinked them back. 

"I am not going to cry," she voiced aloud to the room, jerking David out of his sleep with a cry of alarm.

"Maddie!?" He jumped out of the chair and rushed the two feet to the bed, almost falling on it when he got there.

She reached out a hand to steady him. "Slow down, I'm fine." She winced as the pain hit her. "I think. How long have I been in here?" She looked around her.

David punched the nurses button on the table. "First things first......."

A few seconds later, a nurse came into the room and smiled. "She's awake! That's great. Now if hubby will leave the room, we'll take some tests and see how you are."

David and Maddie exchanged amused looks. "We're not married," they replied in unison, smiling at each other.

The nurse shrugged. "Can't win them all," she said, while throwing an assessing glance David's way.

Maddie felt jealousy flare. "He's engaged," she replied, her voice tinged with venom. The nurse grinned and turned away, checking the IV that was hooked to Maddie's left arm.

David blew Maddie a kiss and stepped out of the room. Leaning against the wall, he collected his thoughts. 

Would she want to talk about the baby? This would be number two that they had lost. They hadn't exactly grieved for the last one, which David still regretted, would they be able to grieve for this one? How was he going to tell her he was leaving? 

He cringed, she was going to be hurt and angry.

Closing his eyes, he hit his head on the wall. "What is it they say? Third times the charm or some shit like that," he said to himself.

"Mr. Addison? You can come back in now." The nurse stopped him. "Are you really engaged?" she asked with a smile.

He nodded. "Yep, I'm bought and paid for." 

"Well, as I said, can't win them all." She sighed. "You can come back in now."

David walked back into the room and stopped, watching her for a moment. She looked thinner, paler, but she looked alive. He leaned against the doorjamb and watched as her chest rose and fell, rose and fell. 

"David?" Her voice jarred him out of his thoughts, making him jump.

He smiled and walked the rest of the way into the room, taking her hand. "How are you feeling?" He sat in the chair next to the bed, never letting go of her hand.

Maddie sighed. "I'm ok." Her eyes filled with tears. "I guess they told you......" unable to finish the statement, she gestured to her stomach.

David winced and nodded, slowly. "Yeah, they told me." He stood, only to seat himself on the side of her bed. "_You_ should have told me," he said quietly, looking into her eyes.

Her bottom lip quivered and the tears overflowed onto her cheeks. "I know," she whispered, unable to break eye contact. She laughed suddenly, a dry, unhappy laugh. "Maybe this is some kind of sign."

He shook his head. "We're starting to think alike." He laughed a laugh identical to hers. "I was thinking we should just call the whole thing off."

Maddie jerked her head up to stare at him. "Call it off?" She sounded saddened by the fact that he would even propose something like that. "You want to just give up on something that's taken us five years to perfect?"

David ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Hell, I don't know. It just seems like we can't get anything right, and I'm tired of it, you know?"

"Can I have my ring back?" she asked quietly, dreading the answer.

He looked up, smiling. "Yeah, you can have your ring back." He kissed her lightly on the lips, he stood and dug into his pocket, removing the ring. He slipped it onto her finger.

David smiled sadly and kissed her again, making it last longer. "I love you," he whispered as she drifted to sleep a couple minutes later.

She smiled in her sleep and tightened her grip on his hand.

~ ~ ~

"When can I go home?" 

The doctor furrowed his brow and flipped through Maddie's charts once more. "I think you'll be out before Christmas," he said with a smile.

Maddie sighed irritably. "That doesn't answer my question. Christmas is seven days away," she complained.

David patted her hand. "I thought you said everything was fine?" he asked, confused.

"It is, everything is healing quite nicely, but we want to make sure there are no infections or anything like that." He sighed and looked through the papers again, "I'm thinking they'll want to discharge you in about a day or so." His beeper went off. "Shoot, I'll be back in a few minutes."

They both nodded as he walked out of the room. Maddie leaned back into her pillows and sighed. "I want to go home," she muttered.

David laughed. "I know." He suddenly looked sad and Maddie squeezed his hand.

"Something wrong?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. "No, nothing wrong. Just thinking." He got up from his spot on the side of the bed. "I have some shopping to do, I'll be back in a little while, OK?"

Without waiting for a response, David exited the room, leaving Maddie confused. "Do I have a choice?" she wondered aloud.

~ ~ ~

When David returned two hours later, he was showered, shaved, and in clean clothes. He walked into Maddie's room hesitantly, not wanting to disturb her if she was asleep. His smile faltered when he saw she was sitting up in the bed, reading, but he got control before she could see. "It's alive," he said jokingly as he took a seat by the bed.

Maddie set the book down on her knee and smiled. "Yeah, I feel like I've been asleep for the better part of a year." 

He nodded. "Well, you were asleep for a long time," he said dumbly.

"David, is something wrong?" she asked with a hint of a frown.

"No, why would you ask that?" David replied, not looking her in the eye.

Maddie shrugged. "No reason, just wondering."

Their conversations were much like this for the next day, until Maddie was discharged, then it got worse. David became distant and the usual playfulness was gone. Every time she thought they would finally go beyond kissing, he would pull away, make some excuse, and leave the room. 

Christmas was coming up soon, only two more days, and it wasn't getting better. Maddie had been out of the hospital for almost a week now, and David still refused to touch her. He slept in the guestroom without complaint, and had even gone so far as to lock her out.

When she questioned him, he shrugged it off and said it was out of habit. 

They never locked doors at home. Most of the time, the doors were left open out of carelessness, but never locked. Confused and hurt, Maddie ignored his hesitance and went on like she was fine.

Although the scar on her chest was healing, inside, she felt deep depression. The loss of another baby was hard enough, but now she and David were acting like strangers, and the reason was a mystery.

Christmas descended upon the Hayes' household with none of the usual cheer the holiday brings with it. There were no carols, no eggnog, and no happiness. 

Mr. and Mrs. Hayes tried their hardest to get the two younger adults into the spirit, but Maddie and David were both too stubborn in their own misery to come out and join in the holiday frolic. 

Maddie woke on Christmas morning with a smile on her face, not because it was Christmas, but because in just a few short days, they would be leaving Chicago and going home. She had never wanted to go home as much as she did then.

Maybe once they got back home, everything would just fall into place, like a nicely put together puzzle. Jumping out of bed, she threw on her robe and a pair of fuzzy slippers and headed downstairs for a cup of coffee before the opening of the presents.

~ ~ ~

David stood in the kitchen, sipping the hot coffee and going over his thoughts. What would her reaction be when he told her he was leaving? Or staying would be a more appropriate word, he supposed. 

It wasn't that he didn't love her, or didn't want to be with her. But she was so much better than him.

He didn't deserve her.

He looked around the kitchen. "Look at this place," he said aloud, "how could I ever think that I belonged here?"

"David?" Maddie said from the doorway. 

He started guiltily and turned around. "Merry Christmas," he mumbled, wondering if she had heard his little question to himself.

She didn't reply, just walked up to him and hugged him. He set down his coffee mug and wrapped his arms around her, smelling her hair. 

Maddie winced in pain as David pressed a little too hard against her chest. Hoping he hadn't noticed, she forced a smile to her face.

But David had noticed and, cursing under his breath, he pushed her away gently.

"David....." she started, reaching out to him again.

He shook his head, grabbed his mug, and exited the kitchen, leaving Maddie standing by the sink, tears streaming down her face. 

"Merry Christmas," she said to the empty room, hugging herself, "and a Happy New Year."

~ ~ ~

"I wish you'd stay a little while longer, at least until New Years," Mrs. Hayes said as David loaded their luggage into the waiting cab.

Maddie hugged her mother. "The business won't run itself, Mom. Besides, I have to get back to pay the rent on the office or we won't have a business to run."

She hugged her father a little longer than necessary, wanting to give the impression of being fine, but not quite succeeding. "I'll call when our plane lands," she whispered, kissing him quickly on the cheek.

David hugged Mrs. Hayes and shook Mr. Hayes' hand before climbing in the taxi and telling the driver to take them to the airport.

Maddie leaned her head against the window and sighed, wishing the cold glass were David's shoulder. They pulled into the airport about fifteen minutes later. David got out and opened Maddie's door while the driver got their luggage.

"Hey, leave the gray suitcase and carry-on, ok?" David said to the driver. "And just wait here while I help the lady with her luggage." The driver nodded and shut the trunk. 

David began to walk toward the departure gate. Maddie was close behind him.

"David, what are you doing?" she repeated it until they were standing in front of the gate and he finally stopped.

He turned to Maddie. "This is where I get off, Blondi," he said, looking into her eyes.

She shook her head. "What are you talking about, this is where you get off? We're going to miss our plane." 

It was David's turn to shake his head. "_You're_ going to miss _your_ plane, Maddie. I think I'll stay here a while." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's been fun, I'll never regret a minute of it."

"Fun? The last five years have been nothing but _fun _for you? David Addison, you are being an ass. Now come on." She pleaded with a look so sad in her eyes that David found the only thing he wanted to do was gather her into his arms.

He shook his head again, this time to clear it. "Not this time, Maddie. You go on home, tell the kids I miss them, and that I'll write."

"Yeah, you'll write, call. David, you've done nothing wrong....please, come with me," she whispered, trying once again to persuade him.

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you, Madolyn Hayes." 

Maddie dodged his lips, pulling back, "If you love me so much, then why are you doing this?" she asked with venom. "You know what?" Pulling the ring off of her left finger, she flung it at him. "I don't need that, and I certainly don't need you."

They stood there staring at each other for the next few seconds until her flight was called again, which seemed to jar Maddie out of her daze. She turned and started for the gate without a second glance.

"Maddie," he called her name and she didn't turn, just kept walking. "Maddie!"

Finally she turned around, tears in her eyes. "I hope you find what you're after, David. And I hope it brings you more happiness than I could." She turned and handed her ticket to the stewardess and started into the tunnel, away from him.

David stood and watched the plane take off, wondering if she was looking out, and wondering if she could see him. 

Shaking his head again, David turned and walked out of the airport to the waiting cab. Climbing in the back, he patted the top of the bench seat in front of him. "Holiday Inn please."

The rain started to fall, exactly in sync with his tears.


	3. Letting Go

__

And a quick thanks go to: Aubrey, are you ever NOT helpful? / Heather, we should stop volunteering to beta for bad writers..... / Adina, one of my betas, and a person responsible for one of the paragraphs in here, she knows which one ;-) / Lizzie, for encouragement. / Diane and Dana, for the obvious reasons, you guys have had major influence on my writing, be it good or bad, and I thank you. Feedback is welcome, send to: l_holt2001@yahoo.com Thank you, one and all......only one more part to go!

Letting Go

Part 3

Maddie pulled the brush through her hair one last time, laying it down upon the counter. She stared at herself in the mirror and forced a smile to her face. Shaking her head, she frowned and walked out of the bathroom, clicking the light off as she exited.

She stopped halfway into the guestroom and looked around. Baby things still decorated the room. The banner of small blue elephants parading through fluffy pink clouds was the thing that caught the most attention. Maddie sighed and walked the rest of the way inside. She slipped under the covers of the bed and turned off the lamp.

Since she had been home, Maddie had been in the master bedroom maybe four times. She just couldn't bring herself to sleep in there. In the bed that seemed so empty.

He hadn't called. 

It had been three weeks and there was no call. No letter. No David.

Moving from her side to her back, Maddie carefully moved her arm, sending tiny shocks of pain down her side and through her chest. Gasping at the intensity of the pain, she closed her eyes and allowed the tears to slip out from under her closed lids.

When she opened her eyes next, she slowly reached over to the night table and got out four pain killers, swallowed them, and fell into a deep sleep.

~ ~ ~

Groggily, Maddie swam towards consciousness. In the back of her mind, she could hear soft footsteps in the hall and then the running of water in the master bathroom. 

Finally able to open her eyes and sit up, she blinked several times before it fully registered where she was. She lay gingerly back on the bed, not wanting to cause herself anymore unnecessary pain.

The shower started and Maddie got out of bed, walking slowly to the door and inching it open. She peered out into the hallway and, seeing nothing, stepped out. 

Reaching the master bedroom's double doors, she carefully turned the knob, uncertain to what her fate would be when she opened it.

Luggage sat by the bed, there were clothes strewn about the room, giving it a decidedly Addison quality, and the closet was open, revealing most of her clothes and some of David's. Maddie allowed a small smile before she frowned again. 

Sitting quietly on the bed, she waited several minutes until he appeared in the doorway before she spoke, "Come back to pack?"

David shook his head and smiled sadly. "I couldn't stay away." Walking over to where she was sitting, he sat next to her and pulled his carry on into his lap. "I brought you a present."

Maddie turned and looked at him. "You left me," she whispered, hurt tingeing her voice. "You left, without explanation, without a proper goodbye. You just left."

He swallowed and nodded. "I was stupid." He looked down at his hands. "When I finally got around to unpacking at the hotel, I found this." He held up an article of clothing made of satin. "It took me all of fifteen minutes to throw everything back into the suitcase and book a flight."

He took a breath and looked around. "You haven't been sleeping in here...why?"

Maddie smiled. "I just couldn't."

There was an uncomfortable pause and then quietly, as if the words were her last, Maddie said. "You brought me something?"

David returned her smile and removed a box from the case sitting on his lap. "If you still want it, that is." He held it out to her.

Maddie took the box and opened it carefully. "All right, Addison. But this is the last time I'm saying yes." She slipped the ring onto her left finger and looked at it, before looking back up at him, with tears in her eyes.

He grinned, a grin that lit his face and set her very soul on fire. The grin that she'd fallen in love with. "Good, this is the last time I'm offering." He kissed her gently on the forehead and they held each other while mutual sobs wracked their bodies.

The mourning was over.

~ ~ ~

Maddie woke a few hours later, feeling better than she had in the three weeks that she had been home. Rolling over in the big bed, she encountered nothing but empty space. Confused, Maddie sat up and looked around the room.

The luggage was where they had left it, the closet still open, showing neat rows of shoes, and the room was no neater than it had been that morning.

Maddie smiled as she recalled him holding her after they finished crying. She thought that maybe he would want more. She had been prepared to tell him no. But he hadn't pressed, hadn't even asked, just held her.

Although it had never been about sex with them. Maybe in the beginning, but not now. Not ever again. Maddie stretched and got up, slipping her feet into the slippers by the bed.

Checking the bathroom and finding nothing, Maddie descended the stairs. 

She found David in the kitchen, standing over the stove, frying bacon. He displayed the perfect picture in a navy blue muscle shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She walked over and slipped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back.

David jumped slightly as slim arms encircled his waist from behind. He dropped the spatula onto the stove and took one of the arms, bringing a hand to his mouth and kissing it softly.

"I thought you were asleep," he whispered, still not turning to face her.

"I was. I was a little worried when I woke and you were gone." She kissed his shoulder through the thin fabric of his muscle shirt. "So I came looking for you."

"Well, you totally ruined the whole 'breakfast in bed' concept." He turned and kissed her lightly on the lips. "But maybe we can start our own concept." Leaning his forehead into hers, he whispered, "Morning."

Maddie grinned. "Morning." She kissed him. "This is the best morning I've had in three weeks." Her grin turned into a mischievous smile. "How about we make it better than that?"

"Better than that?" David feigned confusion. "How do you get better than that?"

She reached down and traced the inside of his thigh. "How quickly you seem to forget." Dragging her hand up his chest and resting it on his upper arm, she grinned again. "I can think of a thing or two that we could do to.....get the blood flowing, shall we say?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to show me, Ms. Hayes. You know how easily I forget." He kissed her. "So, how do we get the blood flowing?"

Maddie kissed him, lightly at first, then deeper. Her lips exploring his and vice versa. Three weeks of pent up passion and frustration coming out in one kiss.

They stumbled over to the island in the middle of the kitchen and before either knew what was happening, David was looming over her. Maddie smiled and they kissed again. She slipped out of the satin top she was wearing (not an easy task when you've got a man as big as David half lying on you) and flung it to the other side of the kitchen.

But, as it turned out, the feeling Maddie had been having since she woke had been right. She had forgotten to do something. Something important. And maybe if she hadn't forgotten, it would have turned out differently, but she did and it didn't.

"Ahh," Maddie cried out as David's lips touched her only half healed wound. 

They both froze and in a flash, David was off of her, looking like he had just been caught doing something horrible. He grabbed his shirt from atop the blender and stalked out of the kitchen before Maddie could stop him.

Lying her head back against the cool surface of the island, the tears rose uninhibited to her eyes, "Damn damn damn damn." She muttered as she lay there.

She winced as the door slammed and then again as the car sped out of the driveway. Sighing, she sat up, wondering whether he'd be back.

~ ~ ~

David carefully unlocked the door and let himself in. He stopped when he saw that she was asleep on the couch, her legs tucked up under an afghan and her head pillowed by her arms. 

He had hurt her again. And while that bothered him, it wasn't what bothered him the most. The biggest problem he had was he couldn't remember NOT to hurt her. As soon as it started, he forgot all about their past and all he could focus on were the present and the future. 

Sighing, David walked over to the couch and sat on the table in front of it, watching her sleep. She looked like an angel. Younger than she was and so...angelic. He laughed at his loss for words.

The emotions she evoked in him were still new and a little frightening. Though it felt like he had loved her forever, no other woman had ever made him feel this way, and that was what scared him. She had the power to make him cry, she had the power to make his heart break. 

Sighing again, he moved his fingers over her cheek, half tracing the tracks that her tears had left and half just needing to feel her warmth under his touch.

Maddie shifted and picked her head up. "Mmmm, David?"

"Yeah," he whispered, "I'm here."

She smiled faintly, still groggy from sleep. "I didn't think you were coming back." She frowned. "I wanted to wait for you, just in case."

The familiar rush of guilt assaulted David. "I'm sorry," he whispered, needing to hear her forgive him.

Maddie fell into sleep again, but not before three words escaped her lips, making him smile. "Not tonight, Addison."

He gingerly lifted her and carried her up the stairs, lying her on the bed. Since she hadn't gotten out of her pajamas that morning, there was no need to redress her, and David found this to be a good thing, as he wasn't sure he was ready for intimacy just yet.......

Covering her with the comforter, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the left side of the bed. He smiled as he remembered their first argument as roommates....

__

David set his suitcase down and took a flying leap onto the bed, _he turned and grinned at Maddie, who was standing by the door smiling at him. "You know, this is a nice bed...even nicer than I remember."_

She laughed. "Been awhile, eh?"

"Too long a while." He patted the right side of the bed and she walked over, sitting down. He pulled her to him and they lay like that for about two minutes, in each other's arms. 

David finally got up and moved his suitcase over to the closet. "Which side is yours?"

Maddie propped herself up on one elbow. "The right side is mine, left is yours." She watched as he carefully hung his suits in the closet and then turned to her. "And the dresser?"

She responded with. "Right is mine, left is yours."

David looked at her quizzically and shook his head before emptying his clothes into the left side of the dresser and moving to the bathroom. "Let me guess, the drawers on the right are yours, and the ones on the left are mine?"

Maddie poked her head into the bathroom and smiled at him. "Yes."

He turned to face her. "You know, you might want to see someone about that."

She looked confused. "About what?"

"This affliction you seem to have about the left side of anything. You have the right side of the closet, the dresser, even the bathroom, is there something wrong with the left side of everything?" He pulled her to him and kissed her on the lips.

"No, I just like the right side, that's all."

"Uh-huh."

As they got ready for bed that night, each more nervous than they wanted to admit, David put his toothbrush into a hole in the toothbrush holder (incidentally, the left_ side) and called out to Maddie in the bedroom. "Which side of the bed do you sleep on?"_

He responded with her, "Right. Maddie, really, this is weird."

"No more weird than your, "There always has to be chocolate milk in the house. Always_." You don't think that's a bit odd?" she said, coming to the door of the bathroom, her hands planted firmly on her hips._

"That's more of an addiction than anything else." He shrugged and walked past her to the bedroom. "Anyway; at least I don't have_ to have it on the right side of the fridge." He pulled back the covers on the bed and climbed in....the _right_ side._

"What are you doing?" she asked, appearing in the bedroom. "That's my side." 

"I thought you said it didn't matter. That you didn't always have to have everything on the right side?" he questioned with raised eyebrows.

"I don't, but David, I sleep on the right side of the bed." She paused. "So move!"

"Tsk tsk, that any way to treat your room mate, roomie?" He laughed at the expression on her face. "Fine fine, if you must have the right side of everything, here...." David moved to the left side. "That better?"

"No, if you want the right side, fine, that's fine. I don't care. It's not like I have to have the right side; it's just a preference."

David watched, amused, while she got into bed and turned over so her back was to him. "Goodnight," she muttered, pulling the blanket farther to her side, yanking it off of him.

He waited a couple of minutes until he knew she was falling to sleep and slid himself to her side, pulling her onto her back and kissing her lips. "This is not what I expected on my first night here, you know."

Maddie tried to resist his insistent kisses but lost the battle with herself and responded with fervor. Afterwards, she lay atop his chest, her breathing finally returning to normal, she asked quietly, "Now can I have the right side?"

She felt the rumble of laughter in his chest. "Sweetheart, after that, you can have anything you want."

David smiled sadly, it seemed years ago that that had happened. He had readily given up the right side of the bed, finding quickly that trying to stay on opposite sides was futile anyway. Somehow, even after a major fight, they ended up sleeping in each other's arms.

And now he couldn't even touch her. Didn't want to touch her. Was afraid to touch her.

Turning onto his side, away from her, he closed his eyes and tried to lose himself in sleep, but all he lost was himself in a dream. A dream that included gunshots, and an endless beeping...

~ ~ ~

David jerked out of sleep, sweat pouring down his face and his heart beating a rapid staccato in his chest.

It had been so vividly real, so frighteningly lifelike. They always were. Every time he got there too late, and every time she died. He couldn't stand it much longer; it plagued him every night, until he was terrified to sleep.

In the weeks that he had been away, it had been the hardest, because when he woke after a dream, he couldn't go down the hall into her room and watch her sleep. The gentle rise and fall of her chest gave him the comfort he needed and he was able to fall asleep peacefully.

Now, he turned over onto his side and watched her sleep. Once again marveling at the openness on her face. She was never that open while she was awake, a mask slipped into place and even after knowing her for six years, he still couldn't get her to remove it.

He watched her until he became drowsy again, and finally drifted back to sleep, too exhausted to dream.

~ ~ ~ 

The weeks dragged by slowly, monotonous in themselves and causing both Maddie and David to become veritable strangers. He stayed at work until early morning and then came home, careful not to wake her while he readied for bed. 

But she was never really asleep, not until she knew he was coming home did she have the nerve to close her eyes and attempt sleep. His leaving had affected her more than she wanted to, or would ever, admit. 

And as the hours turned to days and the days to weeks, they saw less and less of each other. Maddie kept company with books and the television. David threw himself into work, taking case after case, finally understanding what had driven Maddie to do it the last time tragedy struck.

He left before she woke and came home after she was in bed, silently turning off the television and getting into bed, careful not to wake her.

Every night, sobs wracked her body. She was sometimes able to hold off until he was asleep, but others, she couldn't. 

Maddie didn't think he noticed, it was either that or believe that he didn't care, and she couldn't bring herself to think that. She was wrong on both accounts. He noticed, and while her tears fell at night, with him lying just inches away, his own fell silently.

~ ~ ~

Maddie jerked out of sleep as David clicked off the television. She had fallen asleep lying on the bed, on top of the covers, but he would rather leave her like that than wake her and risk an encounter. He had done it many times, and it made her sad.

She watched him move about the room, every now and then glancing in her direction, making sure he didn't wake her. 

But the silence is what woke her, the darkness. She couldn't stand the darkness. Never in her life had Maddie been afraid of the dark. As a child, she'd never been able to sleep with a night-light because it created shifting shadows throughout the room, and that gave her the creeps.

Now, though, the dark seemed to be a hole, and Maddie was afraid that if she wasn't careful, the hole would swallow her. David had begged her to talk to someone in the weeks proceeding the 'accident' and his homecoming, but she had been adamant about not seeing anyone.

She was more worried about David then she was about herself. Ever since he had come home, he had been distant. There was no more playfulness about him, it was as if this whole ordeal had broken him, and no matter how hard she tried, he just wouldn't talk about it.

"David?" She said his name softly, not wanting to startle him, only wanting to get his attention.

David whipped around; his heart beat quickening at the sound of her voice. He stared at her for a few seconds, taking in her sleepy appearance. Her hair was mussed and her clothes were in disarray from the tossing and turning in her sleep.

"David?" She spoke it again and he shuddered, wondering if he'd ever get tired of hearing his name on her lips. "David, do you want to talk?" 

He sat on the edge of the bed and shrugged slightly. "I thought we had." 

Maddie sighed deeply, sitting up. "David, we've been like strangers ever since it happened. Even when you came home." She put her hand on his shoulder and he jerked away, as if burned. Maddie sighed again, this time in hurt and confusion. "Why won't you touch me?" she asked quietly, almost fearing the answer.

He didn't reply at first, and Maddie felt the fear rise until it was almost choking her. "David.... please, talk to me."

David sighed in frustration, "I was so scared. I had this dream.... it was awful. God, Maddie, you were dead. And I know that that's no excuse, because you're not dead now, because you weren't dead ever, really, but I was so damn scared.

"I'm trying, and God knows that I'm trying. But every time I look at you, I see you lying there, still and...oh my God, there was so much blood. I've never seen that much blood. I didn't even know there was that much blood in a person.

"You were so still, and I stood there, like an idiot. I should have been able to protect you better. It's just one more reminder that I'm not good enough for you. That maybe this was never meant to be." he got up from his seat on the bed and walked a few feet away from her.

Maddie stood, infuriated. "That's why you stayed when I left. What the hell do you want from me? Do you want me to tell you that it's fine that you feel this way. That after all that we've been through together, meant to each other, it's fine with me if you want to leave again?" she pointed to the door, "Well, fine, Addison. That's just fine. You get out, I don't need you here, and I certainly don't want you here if that's not what you want.

"My God, David. I'm not saying that I want your pity, or anything like that. But something other than this conversation is in order, I think. It's been a year, David. A year since he died, and I'll grant you, it hasn't been a good year, but the past two months have been great. I don't want to lose that.

"I don't want to lose _you_. But I don't want to keep you here if that's not what you want. If you want to leave, that giant rectangular thing in the wall is a door. And it swings out, don't let it hit you in the ass when you leave." she could feel her temper rising, all the emotion that she'd been holding in check came bursting forward in a sudden rush of adrenalin and the tears welled in her eyes.

"All you seem to be thinking of is yourself, but David, I lost someone too! In fact, I haven't just lost one someone, I've lost three of them. Including you. Everyday, I see you walk in here, and you take off your clothes, and you climb into bed, and you turn over and go to sleep.

"You refuse to touch me, and most of the time, you refuse to look at me. As if the sight of me fills you with pain. And, David, if that's what I do to you, leave now." a solitary tear rolled down her cheek, "When I look at you, I don't see the past, I see the future. I don't see all that has gone wrong, been said wrong, done wrong. I see what can go right, be said right, done right."

David took everything she'd said in, feeling his own raw emotions rush to the surface. He started out softly, knowing that his voice would rise with each word he uttered. "The sight of you doesn't fill me with pain. And yes, the past two months before......were the best in a long time. But maybe that's all that they were, and maybe we're just not meant to be.

"When you collapsed at the baby shower....it was the most terrifying moment of my life. Until I stood in the room watching your chest rise and fall, and praying every time that it wouldn't be the last time. I felt so guilty when you were in the hospital after the shower, after....

"I kept telling myself that I was justified, that every man must think what I was thinking after that happens. But the guilt just kept rushing back at me. I was just so glad that it wasn't you. That if one of you had to go, that it was him. And if that makes me the worst person in the world, so be it. But I was just so grateful that he spared you.

"I'm not afraid to touch you, I'm terrified," he whispered, blinking through the haze his tears had created in the dark room.

Maddie reached out and took his hand, placing it on her chest, over her heart, she murmured, "I'm not glass, David. I'm not going to break." She brought his hand up to her face and he cupped her cheek. "Please," she whispered almost inaudibly.

The barely spoken word was David's undoing, and all of the tension, the frustration, the sadness, and the hurt came rushing out in one passionate moment. As David kissed a trail down Maddie's neck, she smiled, this was what happened when you waited too long to show your emotions. And while it wasn't unpleasant in the least, she wouldn't recommend it.

"Please," the word passed her lips again and she felt herself being picked up, suspended in midair, and then his lips were on hers again, but now they were lying down. She pulled his shirt out of his pants, and started to unbutton it. "Please," she repeated, the word becoming a mantra.

David kissed her again, reveling in the wonderfully awful emotions he felt for this woman. It was amazing to him that she still had this awesome power of his feelings. He tugged on her sweater, breaking their kiss to yank it over her head. 

He stopped when he saw the scar. The reminder of the near death experience that had touched them both so deeply and emotionally.

Seeing that they weren't going any further, Maddie looked deep into his eyes and slowly brought his fingers to her lips, kissing them lightly and pressing them to the still sensitive tissue on her chest. David winced as his fingers came into contact with her skin. 

As the heat from her body invaded his cold, clammy hands, a dam broke and he leaned down, pressing his lips to her warm skin. He kissed her scar, and later Maddie would say in fondness that he had kissed and worshiped every inch of her body that night, as if he was afraid that it was all a dream and that she'd be gone in the morning.

As the climax finally came for both of them, David rested his head on Maddie's shoulder, breathing heavily. Not being able to hold back any more, his body shook with heaving sobs. 

Surprised, Maddie held him as tightly as she could, not completely understanding his tears but knowing enough to let him finish. 

They slept curled into each other that night, as if each was afraid the other would disappear at some point, never to be seen again.

But it was Maddie that awoke to a cold bed the next morning, the pillow next to hers still bore a faint imprint of his head. Sitting up with alarming quickness, Maddie threw the covers off of herself, not even noticing the too big sweater of David's that she didn't remember putting on, and jumped off of the bed, feeling the panic set in.

The knobs creaked as the water in the bathroom was turned on, and she drew in a breath of relief, sitting back down on the bed. She listened as the shower ran, none of the usual sounds slipped from under the door this morning. There was no off key singing, and no shouts for her to join him, just the sound of water beating down onto the tile floor.

Somehow, this intrusion of silence made Maddie want to scream, yell, and throw things at the nearest moving target. But mostly, it made her want to weep. Lying back down on the bed, she pulled David's pillow beneath her arm, burying her face in the covered feathers, breathing in his aftershave. Her tears started falling as the afternoon rain fell outside, and she blamed the ugly day for the moisture on her cheeks.

~ ~ ~ 

David let the water stream over his body. The hot water made his skin glow a bright red and his fingers were starting to wrinkle. He frowned at his hands, as if silently scolding them for making him give up his sanctuary of the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, the water turning a rather unpleasant freezing cold, David turned the water off and shivered as he stepped from the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and took another one, rubbing his head with it. 

David opened the door cautiously, peering around the corner into the bedroom. When he saw that she was lying on the bed, seemingly asleep, he walked the rest of the way into the room. He watched her sleep, covering her with the comforter and pulling a chair up to the side of the bed.

There were tear tracks running down her cheeks, and David sighed, knowing that their conversation from last night was not finished by any means. 

Maybe he should just leave now. While she was asleep, save them both the awkwardness of saying goodbye. He'd have to forego the two weeks notice at the agency, but it might be the best thing in the long run. He didn't want to cause her any unnecessary pain this time, and leaving quietly might help that.

But there was still the fact that he'd be hurting her anyway with leaving. She had made it perfectly clear last night that she wanted him only if he wanted her back. Last night would fix the thought that he didn't, that was for sure.

Although he was almost positive that's not what she meant. He knew that she meant that he should stay only if he wanted to, only if he loved her.

And God, did he love her. He loved her so much it hurt him to think about it too hard. When ever he looked at her, it was all he could do not to grin like a bumbling idiot. He ran his hand over hers, over the ring around her left finger.

The fact that she had taken it back at all amazed him. After the stunt he had pulled at the airport in Chicago, he was betting that she'd laugh in his face and tell him to get the hell out. 

But he should have known better. Maddie never did what he expected, when he expected. 

He shook his head. Spontaneity. He smiled wryly, whoda thunk it? 

Lost in his thoughts, David didn't notice when Maddie opened her red rimmed eyes and looked at him. Her blue eyes sparkling like sapphire from the tears that had been shed. She watched him for over five minutes, slightly amused at the seriousness on his face; but only slightly.

David shook his head, focusing his eyes and starting when he met the intense blue gaze. "I thought you were asleep," he whispered with a small smile.

Maddie sat up, propping her pillow behind her and hugging David's to her chest. "I was," she replied with a shrug.

An awkward silence followed, until Maddie sighed irritably. "This is ridiculous," she muttered, "you're going to catch pneumonia if you don't put some clothes on."

David glanced down at himself, surprised to see that he was still in the towel. He laughed. "I'll go change." He got up from his place by the bed and walked over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top.

"Be right back," he promised as he walked into the bathroom to change. 

"Right," Maddie mumbled, closing her eyes and pressing her thumb and forefinger against the bridge of her nose.

They had done it again. When would they learn that sex didn't fix things, it only made it more uncomfortable and unwilling. Unwilling in some aspects, in others it made them more willing.

Groaning slightly, Maddie slumped down in the bed and pulled the covers over her head, blocking out the morning sunlight. She didn't hear David as he came back into the room, nor did she hear when he resumed his seat by the bed.

She did, however, notice when he pulled the sheet and comforter back, letting the bright light shine on Maddie's face. She winced and sat up again. "Oh, you're back."

"What an astute observation," he replied dryly, smirking. His expression became grim again. "We need to talk." 

"Gee, what an astute observation," she mocked with a slight smile.

David smiled. "Yeah." He moved from the chair and sat on the side of the bed instead. Refusing to meet her gaze, he asked quietly, "Are we going to be ok?"

The softness mixed with the fear in his voice slowly broke Maddie's heart. He just sat there, his hand covering hers, staring down at the comforter, unwilling to meet her eyes.

"I wish I could tell you yes. I wish that I could make this go away for you, for both of us, but the truth is if I told you that we're going to be fine, I'd be lying." He jerked his head up at this and Maddie held a hand up, silencing whatever he was going to say. "This silent treatment you've been giving me, it's not helping."

David stood. "You're going to sit there and tell me that there's not a chance for us? We've been through tough things before, Maddie, you're going to throw that away?"

She could see the anger building up and was quick to scoot off of the bed and stand before him, "I'm not saying I want to call it quits, David. I'm not saying anything like that." She sighed and tilted his chin up so she could see his eyes. "I said yes, and I meant yes."

He offered a small smile and Maddie continued. "But this not talking for weeks and letting the emotion build up until that," she gestured to the rumpled bed, "can't be good for us. And as pleasurable as it was," he grinned at this, "I don't want it to happen like that again."

She put her arms around his waist and hugged him. "I love you," she said softly, her words muffled against his chest.

David smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "I know," he whispered into the sunbathed room. "I love you too."

~ ~ ~ 

Four hours later, David finally emerged from the bedroom, hurrying down the stairs in nothing but the closest thing to the bed; Maddie's silk robe.

Thinking he'd only be a moment, he had ignored Maddie's laughter and thrown it on anyway, walking out of the bedroom with his head held high. Once he was standing in the kitchen, shifting from one foot to the other, he wished that he'd gotten her slippers too.

As he grabbed the half empty ice cream container and two beers, the doorbell chimed. David set everything down on the table and looked down at himself, laughing.

Shaking his head, he walked out of the kitchen, his head not so high any more, and peeked out the window, trying to see who was at the door. He grinned again when he recognized the black haired woman. Forgetting what he wore, David pulled the door open.

"Terri!" Someone else appeared behind her and David's smile faltered. "And Walter." He recovered and stepped back, sweeping his hand. "Come in."

Terri and Walter walked into the room and Terri laughed, looking David up and down. "I love the robe, Addison, got another one in Walter's size?"

David looked down at himself and grinned. "I'm afraid you'll have to ask- -"

"David?" Maddie's voice floated down the stairs. "Was that the doorbell?" She appeared on the balcony, a frown adorning her face. "Oh my." Covering her mouth with a hand to try to contain a giggle, her words were muffled, "Terri, Walter...."

David smiled up at her. "Yeah, that was the doorbell." He looked back at the two amused people standing before him. "I'll be just a minute." He smiled and hurried towards the stairs, taking them two at a time.

Maddie disappeared from the balcony and the master bedroom's doors slammed shut, then there was a burst of laughter before she reappeared, "We'll be right down." At Terri's nod, Maddie laughed again and walked back into the bedroom.

Terri and Walter shared a secret and knowing smile and sat on the couch, waiting for Maddie and David to come back down.

A few moments later, Maddie came down the stairs, a huge smile plastered on her face. "I'm sorry about earlier, we weren't exactly expecting company."

David appeared at the foot of the stairs. "Yeah, I would have put on the matching gown if I'd known you were coming." He hugged Terri and shook Walter's hand. "How goes it?"

Terri nodded. "It's going, that's for sure. Look at you two," she gestured to Maddie, "she can't stop smiling," she looked at David, "and you were wearing women's nightwear. Do we even need to ask what's been going on?"

Maddie blushed and David grinned. "We just got.....up," he said, jerking his head toward the stairs.

Walter looked at his watch. "It's three o'clock in the afternoon," he said, looking back up at the couple, who were looking at each other. 

Terri rolled her eyes and hugged Maddie. "How are you?" she asked quietly.

Maddie pulled back and grinned. "Much better, thank you. We actually are both much better." She looked at David and her grin widened.

"Couldn't _be_ better," he added with a smile of his own. 

Terri and Walter exchanged bemused glances and shrugged at each other.

~ ~ ~

Maddie and David watched out the window as Terri and Walter got into the car and drove off. David wrapped his arms around Maddie and rested his chin on her shoulder. "It's hard to believe."

"What is?" Maddie asked, leaning back into him.

"If it weren't for us, those two would never have met," he said, kissing the side of her neck. "I wish they had had a proper wedding though, you suppose Wally has something against those?"

Maddie turned and punched him lightly in the stomach. "No, I think it was a romantic idea." She slowly rubbed her hand over where she had just punched him. "Not that I'd want to do it.......again." smiling mischievously at him, she started toward the staircase.

"Again?" he exclaimed with a twinkle in his eye.

"What's the matter, Addison? Can't keep up?" She walked the rest of the way up the stairs, ignoring his reaction.

David made it back to bed in record speed.

~ ~ ~ 

"Maddie?" David shook her shoulder lightly, trying to wake her. "Maddie, wake up." She stirred slightly and burrowed further into his chest. He grinned, tempted to just let her sleep.

"Mmmm, David?" Maddie picked her head up and glanced around the room, finally coming to rest on David's face mere inches from hers. "What time is it?"

"Good morning to you too," he muttered good naturedly. "It's nine, and if we don't get up soon, we're going to be late for your doctor's appointment."

Maddie stretched her body and lazily dragged her leg up his. "We've been late before......" She kissed his chest and smiled up at him.

He shook his head and lifted her off of him. "Not today, this is too important to be late for, now, get dressed and let's go." 

She just sat and watched him. "You're turning into a regular drill sergeant, you know that?" she asked irritably as she scooted off of the bed.

David walked over to the bed and kissed her. "I know. It's kind of fun to be in charge for once." He winked at her and left the room quickly, before the pillow even left her hand.

Maddie came down the stairs and stopped, smiling at the image of David sitting placidly on the couch reading the paper. Coming all the way down, she walked into the living room and grabbed the paper out of his hand. "Careful, Addison, you almost look normal."

He smiled up at her. "Can't have that, can we?" He looked at her closely, "You OK? You look a bit pale."

She pulled her gaze away from his and took the car keys off of the table. "I'm fine, if we don't leave, we're going to be late." The subject changed, she walked out the door before he could reply.

David followed her, perplexed. "Maddie," he said as he got in the car and started the engine, "are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, David, I'm fine. Let's go, OK?" Leaning her head back against the seat, Maddie breathed deeply, trying to ignore the nausea. 

The next thing Maddie knew, David was waking her again to take her into the doctor's office. "I'm sorry, David, I must have fallen asleep."

"Must have," he said with mock seriousness. "Of course, it could be caused by the fact that we didn't get that much sleep last night."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Come on, we'll be late."

"You know, from a woman that said just a short half hour ago, "We've been late before......" you sure are worried about being late now." He smiled and took her hand. "You do realize that I have to go to work after this, so hurrying it won't get you....."

"David!"

".....any faster," he finished with a smirk.

Maddie sighed, exasperated, and walked into the doctor's office, David trailing slightly behind, whistling.

She was already seated when he walked in, and he sat next to her, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips. "Everything OK?" he asked as he always did once they were seated here.

Maddie nodded almost without thinking. She was a bit worried about him. He had become overly protective of her lately, and while she understood that, it was a little too much to handle at once. She didn't know how to tell him he was slowly stifling her with his constant, 'Are you ok?'s and 'How are you feeling's.

"Madolyn Hayes?"

The nurses voice broke through Maddie's thoughts and she got up, patting David's hand as she did so. "I'll be out in a few minutes."

David nodded and leaned back in his seat as he watched her walk through the door to an examining room. This was their third visit in the last seven weeks, and he knew the routine by heart. 

She went in by herself. There was an examination. Then the doctor came out and got him, leading him back to the examining room. 

But this time, Maddie came out of the door about twenty minutes later, the doctor with her. "David, I'm ready."

David stood and looked at her questioningly before shaking the doctor's hand. "Did I miss something?" He didn't smile, but he didn't frown. "Am I going to want to sit down?"

Maddie smiled and slipped her arm around his waist. "No, there's nothing wrong, they just did a few blood tests.......everything seems fine."

The doctor nodded. "She seems to be healing just fine." He turned to Maddie. "We will want to see you again in about three weeks, you should be completely healed by then, and remember, no work for another week." Shaking her hand and then David's again, the doctor disappeared back the way he had come.

David and Maddie walked out of the doctor's office hand in hand, each lost in their own thoughts. They were halfway home when he finally broke the silence. "What do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

Maddie shrugged. "Anything is fine with me, I haven't been feeling well the last couple of days, I think I might be getting a cold."

He nodded and pulled into the driveway, cutting off the engine. "I'll see you later tonight, OK?" He kissed her quickly on the lips and waited until she was safely within the house before pulling out again.

~ ~ ~

David pulled into the driveway at two-thirty the next morning, turning the headlights out in hopes that it wouldn't wake the slumbering woman in the house. 

He crept inside and carefully put down his briefcase before wearily climbing the staircase. Peeking into the bedroom, he saw that Maddie had fallen asleep with the television on and a magazine propped on her knees. Smiling tenderly, David removed the magazine and turned off the television before stripping down to nothing but a smile and climbing in next to her.

Maddie shivered as her skin was exposed to the cool air and rolled toward the new warmth. Curving herself into David's body, she sighed contentedly and moved her head to kiss his mouth. "You're late," she muttered.

David laughed slightly. "Yeah, but I wrapped up that case I told you about." Pulling her more firmly against him, he started to slip the nightgown that she wore to bed off. "That leaves me free until about twelve tomorrow."

Maddie turned over, facing him on her side. "That's wonderful......." 

They fell asleep tangled together, blissfully happy.

~ ~ ~

"Maddie?"

  
Maddie jumped and turned around, her hand pressed to her chest. "God, David, you scared me." She looked down at herself, "Do I look OK?"

He walked toward her and started to unbutton her blouse. Maddie pulled back, swatting at his hands. "What ARE you doing?"

David grinned at her. "If I gotta tell ya...." He started unbuttoning again.

"David...we don't have time for this, we're running late," she said, pushing on his chest to no avail. David finished unbuttoning her blouse and slipped it off of her shoulders, throwing it behind him on the bed. He reached around her, unsnapping her bra, then it too joined the blouse on the bed.

Maddie shivered in the cool air. "David, really......."

But David was absorbed in the act of unbuttoning his own shirt, too busy to hear what she was saying. He pulled it off and, like a parent dressing a child, proceeded to put it on Maddie. He deftly buttoned it again, this time on her body, and then reached around her and undid the zipper on the back of her skirt.

As the skirt pooled down around Maddie's ankles, she shivered again, wondering where he was going with the whole thing. Also curious as to whether he was going to discard his pants and give her his boxers too.

To her disappointment, he walked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of silk pajama bottoms. Walking back over to her, he shoved them into her hands. "Put these on," he demanded.

Maddie stared at him. "Yes, your butt headedness, you want to tell me what you think you're doing?" She planted her hands on her hips and stared at him.

  
"Put the pants on first," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"Sir yes sir," she muttered as she slipped into the pants. Once she had them on, she lifted her head and glared at him. "Now will you tell me what the hell you think you're doing?"

David led her over to the bed and pointed to it, indicating she should sit. Sighing heavily, Maddie sat on the edge and continued glaring.

He knelt in front of her, on one knee, and Maddie grinned and held up her left hand. "You've already done this, Addison."

Gripping her hand in his own, he stared earnestly into her eyes. "The doctor said eight weeks, Maddie. It's been seven."

Her glare disappearing, Maddie covered his hand with hers. "I can't sit at home every day, I have to get out and do something." She leaned down and kissed him. "I'm fine, I just want to go back to work." As she started to get up, David pushed her back down.

"Fine, you're fine. I get that. But, Maddie, I'm not fine. Call me paranoid, OK? For my benefit, stay home another week." He smiled at her. "Please?"

Maddie sighed. "Yeah, fine. I'll stay home another week, but on one condition."

David furrowed his brow. "And what would that be?"

"You bring me home some casework, files, something. I'm getting tired of sitting doing nothing, and I think I've read all the books in the house." She grinned up at him. "And my other....extra curricular activity is at work." She got up and pulled him to his feet, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Speaking of that..."

"What, your extra activity or work?" He pulled her body into his. "Because I'll tell you one thing, work is the last thing on my mind." He pushed her back until her knees hit the edge of the bed and they fell, David rolling so Maddie landed on top of him instead of the other way around. 

This time, it was Maddie doing the unbuttoning.

~ ~ ~

David got off of the elevator and began his walk down the familiar hallway. When the door came into view, he ran his hand through his hair and put on his best smile, then walked in.

"Good morning troops." He grinned and put his briefcase on top of Agnes' cubicle. "How are we this morning?"

Agnes smiled, "Great Mr. Addison. How's Ms. Hayes?"

"Happier than a drunk sloth in a vat of Jell-O," he replied, eliciting a giggle. "In fact, the last time I saw her, she was lying down, taking a nap, I believe. Been doing those.......what did she call them? Oh yeah, extra curricular activities." He winked and headed to his office.

"Mr. Addison?"

He turned around. "Yes, Ms. DiPesto?"

"When I tried to call this morning, your phone was busy....don't you have call waiting?" she asked, confused.

"Yes, we do, Ms. DiPesto," he said, continuing his way to his office.

"Then the phone must have been off the hook," she said, more to herself than to him.

David turned and walked back over to her desk. "For a good reason, Ms. DiPesto." Leaning down, he whispered loudly, "You see, the phone is right by the bed......." Winking, he turned and disappeared into his office.

~ ~ ~

At a quarter to five, David emerged from his office, looking over the staff with a smile, he walked over to a nearby desk and jumped onto it. "Attention, staff of Blue Moon," he called out. Every head turned in his direction. "I would like to announce a new tradition we will have here."

There were murmurs throughout the crowd of employees. "Yes, that's what I said, a new tradition. Now, today is the first of February, so we're going to have a short day." He received nothing but blank stares. "Everyone can go home."

All of the staff exchanged glances and shrugged at each other, before gathering their things and exiting the office. David stayed on the desk and watched them go. When Agnes was the only one left, he hopped down and headed back into his office.

"Mr. Addison?"

"Yes, Ms. DiPesto?"

"Is everything OK?" she asked, worry tingeing her voice.

David walked over to her and took her hands. "Great great, Ms. DiPesto," he whispered before leaning in and kissing her on the cheek. Then, picking up his briefcase, he began whistling and followed the path that the crowd had just taken.

Getting in to the BMW and adjusting the mirrors to his liking, David switched the radio on and sang along with the music as he drove home.

He pulled into the driveway and sat for a moment, taking in the house. 

He was still amazed that he lived here. He had never thought he would live someplace like this, his apartment had been his highest achievement. Smiling, he got out of the car and walked to the door. Now this was his greatest achievement.

David unlocked the door and walked in. "Hi honey, I'm home," he yelled with a grin. When he got no response, he walked further into the room. "Maddie?" Starting to become concerned, David threw his jacket and briefcase down on the couch and hurried through the door to the kitchen.

She was seated at the table, crying. David stood watching her for a moment, curious as to what could have possibly upset her. He finally moved tentatively toward her. "Maddie, you ok?"

Maddie jumped at the sound of his voice and got up hurriedly from the chair, wiping her eyes. "I didn't realize you were home," she said, walking over to the counter and making a cup of coffee.

David walked up behind her, taking the cup out of her hands and turning her around to face him. "What's wrong?" he asked quietly.

She hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder, her arms around his waist. He just held her for the next few moments, confused at this sudden display of emotion. "Maddie, are you ok?" he questioned again, pulling away slightly. He wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled lightly.

Maddie nodded, feeling rather silly. "The doctor called this morning," she whispered. 

David's face lost all color and his smile disappeared. "What's wrong?" he repeated. "What did he say?" Panic took up residence in his chest in the seconds before she answered.

"Nothing. I'm fine. Really." She sighed. "I just....wasn't expecting, well, I wasn't expecting to be expecting." She smiled at him. "Understand?"

David grinned and nodded, hugging her tightly. 

They hadn't been trying to have another baby, in fact, they had talked about not having another baby. Maddie wasn't sure David could take the emotional stress again, and vice versa. But, then again, they hadn't exactly done anything to prevent it, either.

David pulled away from her and grinned. "How long?"

Maddie smiled back at him. "About three hours," she said, misunderstanding his question.

His grin turned into an expression of confusion. "Maddie, as good as we are, we aren't THAT good," he said, leaning in to kiss her lightly on the lips.

She pulled back, smiling. "Six weeks," she whispered right as he started to kiss her again. A few minutes later, he was eyeing the island in the middle of the kitchen.

Maddie could see what he was thinking and before she could protest, she was on her back on the island. She giggled and David raised his head from her neck to look at her. "What?" he asked breathlessly.

She smiled. "I always say that you should finish what you start."

David chuckled and kissed her lightly. "Me too....." He kissed her again, and they lost themselves in feeling.

~ ~ ~ 

"I think I just achieved another greatest achievement," David muttered to himself as he lay on the cold tile floor.

Maddie smiled and shivered as she pulled David's sweater over her head and down around her body. She looked over at David just a scant twelve inches away and shook her head, the tile was freezing, and yet he lay there, almost completely naked, seemingly oblivious.

She stood and pulled the sweater further down on her legs, it draped her small body and ended mid thigh. Stretching the muscles in her back, she leaned down and pulled David to his feet to stand beside her. "You know, if we're going to make this a habit, we ought to put a rug down or something," he said, pulling her against him playfully.

Maddie turned and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Give me another three months and you won't want to even touch me," she whispered into his ear. "But I'll see what I can do about the rug."

David kissed her on the nose and let her go, bending down to pick up his discarded pants. He stood back up and stretched, the bones in his back cracking.

"I think I might go take a shower," she voiced, looking at him with a mischievous grin. "You game?" Without waiting for an answer, Maddie walked out of the kitchen and started up the stairs. 

David grinned and flung his pants over his shoulder, he walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, disappearing behind the bathroom door.

~ ~ ~ 

Maddie emerged from the bathroom more relaxed than she had felt in a long time. With her hair hanging in wet ringlets down to her shoulders and a towel securely wrapped around her body, she walked over to her dresser and opened the top drawer, pulling out a silk night gown.

She was about to shut the drawer when she happened to glance over and see David's heart patterned boxers lying there. Looking over her shoulder in the direction of the bathroom, she grinned and placed the silk back in the drawer.

Walking over to the closet, she picked out one of David's many dress shirts and gathered it with the heart boxers. 

David walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt. He stopped in the doorway when he saw Maddie in bed. 

  
Not that he froze every time he saw her, just this time. Normally, she wore a silk night gown (which, to tell you the truth, didn't stay on long, and he didn't know why she bothered) but tonight, she was lying on top of the covers, her knees drawn up and a book resting on them. But that's not what made him stop.

She was wearing his clothing.

Maddie could feel his eyes on her, and she knew that he was wondering why on earth she would wear his clothes to bed, but she kept on reading, only allowing a small smile to creep over her face. David sat down on the bed and took the book away from her, placing his head in place of it.

"I just must have the name of your tailor, Ms. Hayes," he said, looking up at her with a smile.

Maddie laughed lightly. "Your clothes are more comfortable than mine," she explained. "Of course, if you want me to take them off....." She touched her fingers to the top button and slipped it out of its button hole.

David grinned. "Do you even have to ask?" He brought his hands up and redid the button again. "But tonight, I think I can content myself with just holding you."

Maddie smiled tenderly at him and nodded. They got up from the bed and pulled back the covers, then climbing under them and scooting together. David fell asleep a few minutes after she did, a smile lighting up his face.

Four Months and Six Weeks After David's Homecoming

"Is that her?" 

Maddie sighed in exasperation. "It might be a boy, David."

Smiling, Dr. Michelle Hopkins looked at the couple before her and moved the transducer back and forth over Maddie's abdomen. "That's her...or him."

"Is he...or she....healthy?" Worry laced her voice and she exchanged a quick glance with David.

"Everything seems just fine. You have a very healthy baby." She paused and looked over at the parents. "Would you like to know the sex?"

They exchanged quick glances again before Maddie answered. "I don't think so."

Dr. Hopkins smiled. "I understand, I didn't want to know on my first either. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

As both mother and father nodded, Michelle's smile widened. Turning on the small speaker located on the top of the monitor, a small _'lub dub, lub dub' _filled the air. 

David reached for Maddie's hand, squeezing it tightly as he watched the monitor. They had created that. He looked down at Maddie's swollen abdomen. There was a person in there, they had created that! Tears filled his eyes and he wiped at them hastily, embarrassed.

Leaning in close to Maddie's ear, he whispered, "If this is what happens when we stop fighting, it's worth it." Bringing her hand to his lips, he kissed it. "I love you."

The tears spilled onto her cheeks and she didn't bother wiping at them as she nodded. "I know," she whispered back.

Michelle sat back, amazed at the obvious emotion this couple had for one another. Feeling her own eyes fill with tears, she blinked rapidly and sniffed. "Would you two like a picture?"

They answered in unison, "Yes."

They left the doctor's office hand in hand, their baby resting peacefully in its mother, and its pictures resting close to its father's heart.

This baby was blessed.

Eight Months and Six Weeks After David's Homecoming

The alarm blasted from the bedside table and both Maddie and David jerked out of sleep. David reached over and picked it up, completing his morning ritual of throwing the offending object across the room. After, he rolled over and kissed Maddie on the cheek, mumbling a soft, "Good morning," and then lightly stroking her stomach. 

It was getting harder and harder to get out of bed every day, but Maddie managed to sit up and swing her legs over the side of the bed. She stretched and stood slowly, bracing her swollen stomach with one hand.

David's voice floated in through the bathroom. "Yo, Goldilocks, we're going out to dinner tonight."

Maddie walked over to the bathroom door (waddled would be a more appropriate word, but we don't want to be mean) and leaned against the doorjamb. "We are, are we?" She watched him drag the razor across his cheek. 

"We are," he stated. "We haven't been out in weeks, and I think it's time."

Maddie walked into the bathroom and sat down on the toilet seat. "We haven't been out because I look like a fat cow and I'd rather not run into anyone I know." She looked down at her left hand, her ring finger.

David caught this gesture and turned away from his shaving. "You having second thoughts?" he asked her.

Maddie looked up and smiled. "About getting married? No." She sighed. "About waiting? Yes." She sighed again. "I feel kind of....I don't know."

He knelt in front of her, a look of seriousness on his face. "If that's how you feel....Nevada isn't that far, let's go get married." 

She grinned at him, the shaving cream that was smeared across his face making it hard for her to take him seriously. "No, I want to do it right this time." Her smile softened. "Besides, you look hot in a tuxedo." She kissed him on the cheek, getting shaving cream on her lips.

~ ~ ~ 

David helped Maddie out of the BMW and shut the door behind her. Holding hands, they walked to the entrance of the restaurant and entered.

They were seated almost immediately, an intimate table in the back corner. Dinner went smoothly, they discussed wedding plans, who to invite ("Maddie, he's not going to want to come." / "David! He's your brother!") who not to invite ("No! Absolutely not." / "But Maddie, she's your cousin!")

As the meal came to a close, David paid the check and they stood to leave. Halfway to the door, Maddie felt a sharp pain that she recognized all too well start in her abdomen and travel up her side, making her double over in pain. She clutched at David, praying that this wasn't what it felt like.

She felt like she was in a flashback as she knelt on the ground, holding her protruding stomach and gasping at the pain. Except this time there was no music in the background, and the people around her weren't her employees and friends, but complete strangers.

David was screaming at the top of his lungs for someone to "Call a God damn ambulance" and Maddie wanted to scold him for using that kind of language but she didn't have the breath or the strength.

Not being able to even kneel any longer, she leaned heavily on David and closed her eyes, feeling the tears well up. 

Everything seemed to swim before her when she opened them the next time, and the last thing she saw was David's face, then everything went black.


	4. Letting Go

__

Author's Note: It feels like forever since I posted part 3. I'm sorry this has taken me such a long time, the only explanation I can offer is that Maddie and David were having a fight, and refused to come out of their offices. It may get a bit confusing, as I'm telling the story mostly through flashbacks. The flashbacks are in italics, they have dates before them, to make it a bit easier and less confusing for you, the reader. Hope you enjoy the conclusion --- Elyse

Letting Go

Part 4

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September 23, 1996 --- 1:48 PM

The light spring rain fell onto David Addison's shoulders as he ran to the red Porsche that was parked just a few feet away. He fumbled with the keys, finally managing to get one into the hole and get himself into the car.

Once there, he sat with his hands on the steering wheel, staring off into no where. It had been five years. Five years since she had collapsed at the restaurant. Such a long time, but the memories were fresh, and blazed like an inferno in David's mind.

October 24, 1990 --- 7:32 PM

__

"Maddie?! Maddie can you hear me??" David called to the unconscious woman lying on the pavement outside of the restaurant they had just exited. "Dammit, answer me."

Sirens wailed, announcing the presence of an ambulance and what seemed to be over 100 paramedics, all talking at the same time, leaving David in a daze.

He tried his hardest to answer their numerous questions, but mainly stood back as they lifted Maddie's body onto the gurney and put her in the waiting ambulance. He jumped in at the last second, holding her hand close to his face and praying.

Her skin was pale under the scarce lighting in the vehicle, her cheeks seemed to have lost all color and her breathing was shallow, short little gasps.

"Vital signs seem to be normal....sir?"

David glanced up as a paramedic asked him a question. "What?" he croaked out through the tightness in his throat.

"Her allergies, sir?"

David blinked, his mind suddenly going blank. "Uh....oh, she reacts to Penicillin and MSG. When she was a baby she had to drink soy formula. _I think that's it."_

"Are you certain, sir?"

Wide awake again, David sat up straight, still keeping a hold on Maddie's hand. "Yes, I'm positive. What else do you need to know?"

"Her medical history, if you can help us with that."

David smiled slightly. "Yeah, I can help you with that. What do you need to know?"

"Frankly, Mr. Addison, anything you can give us will help."

David sighed. "About two years ago, she had a miscarriage." Swallowing, he made himself go on, "She was eight months along then." He glanced down at her suddenly, a haunting image coming into his mind. 

He shook his head again, "A little while after that, she suffered a concussion on a case. About nine or ten months ago, we were driving back to her parents house when we got car-jacked. The guy shot her and she lost our baby. She was about four or five weeks along."

The paramedic whistled. "You've been through a hell of a lot, Mr. Addison," he said, his eyebrows raised in appreciation.

David merely nodded and stroked Maddie's cheek, kissing her hand, he pressed it to his face. "You've gotta pull outta this one, Blondie," he whispered, his tears spilling over onto her face.

__

September 23, 1996 --- 1: 50 PM

Shaking his head to clear it of the memory, David started the engine and sped out of the parking lot. Stopping for a red-light, he was overcome by another memory, rather than fight it, he just let it come.

October 25, 1990 --- 2:43 AM

__

"Come on, Maddie, you can get through this!"

Maddie turned a glare on him. "If you say that one more time, I'm going to bash your head in." Before she could say anymore, another spasm of pain hit her and she groaned, grasping his hand. "You are NEVER touching me again, understand?" she screamed out through the pain.

"Oh dear God, she's breaking my hand. Maddie, honey, you're breaking my hand," David gasped as he tried unsuccessfully to pry her grip on his hand off.

"Better your hand than your neck!" 

David grinned up at the doctor. "Is this hostility normal, Doctor?"

The Doctor suddenly frowned. "Mr. Addison, may I see you outside for a moment?"

His smile slipping, David kissed Maddie on the forehead and whispered a soft. "I love you", then walked out of the delivery room behind the doctor.

"Is something wrong?"

Dr. Monroe didn't even attempt to smile. "Mr. Addison, I won't lie to you, I don't like the way she went into labor," he paused and bit his lip, then continued, "With the miscarriages that she has gone through, her body isn't as it normally should be."

"What are you saying?" David asked, unconsciously bringing his hand up and placing it over his heart. "Is she going to be ok?"

Dr. Monroe sighed. "Mr. Addison, she's only eight months pregnant....."

"Answer me, dammit!" David yelled, eliciting a startled look from the doctor.

"Mr. Addison, please. We've got enough trouble without you yelling and getting upset. Ms. Hayes is very close to delivering, and I don't like how the baby is handling it." He paused and tugged on his paper hat. "I would like to do a caesarian."

David ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "You'll have to talk to her about it."

September 23, 1996 --- 2: 01 PM

The sound of honking horns behind him brought David out of his reverie. Wondering how long he had been sitting at the light, he pressed on the gas of the car and tried not to get lost in another memory.

It didn't work.....

October 25, 1990 --- 3:01 AM

__

"Are you saying that there's a chance that one of them might not make it?" David asked, his grip on Maddie's hand tightening.

The doctor looked into David's eyes. "Yes. That is what I am saying. If we don't do this now, there is a good chance that - - -"

"We get the picture," Maddie cut him off, leaning back into the pillows and covering her stomach with her free hand. "May we have a moment alone?"

Bowing his head, the doctor exited the room.

David immediately turned to Maddie. "Let them do it," he said with pleading eyes.

"What?!" she exclaimed. "This is our child we're talking about, David."

He sat on the side of the bed and took both of her hands. "You don't have to remind me, I was there when.....but Maddie, there can be more children. There is only one of you."

Maddie smiled suddenly, tears filling her eyes. "I love you." Gasping as another spasm of pain hit her, she gripped his hand tighter.

David watched with worried eyes while she dealt with the pain, feeling each contraction down to his very soul. When she leaned back into the pillows a minute or so later, her grip loosening, she managed to smile.

"Maddie, please...." he murmured, encasing her small hand in his two bigger ones. "Let them do this. Please."

She shook her head. "No. It's my body, my life, and that of our child, that we're discussing. I won't do it, David."

Bowing his head, he said quietly, to where it was almost unintelligible. "It's my life too." He picked his head up and looked directly into her eyes. "I love you." 

They sat smiling at each other for the next few moments, enjoying the only silence they had had in the pandemonium that had been the night before. When Maddie's regular doctor walked into the room, she stopped, almost herself afraid of what the answer to the life changing question would be.

"Have we come to a decision?" she asked quietly.

David stood and nodded. "We're going to wait."

Dr. Hopkins nodded. "That's what I thought you would want to do. Did Dr. Monroe explain the dangers in doing this? For yourself and the baby."

Maddie nodded, glancing at David. "We know the risks, Doctor."

"Well, then, for my own piece of mind, let me explain once more." She took a breath and went on, "You went into labor unlike anyone I've ever seen, which is a lot of people. You're only eight months pregnant, which means that the baby isn't fully developed yet. After suffering the two miscarriages that you have, your body isn't as it normally should be. Carrying this baby to term could be hazardous to both you and it." She stopped to take another breath, "If we delivered now, it is possible that the baby would not live, or would have defects because of the lack of development, however, it would ensure your health. If you try to carry to term, it could harm your health, severely harm your health, but it would ensure the health of your baby." She looked back and forth from one worried face to the other, her own heart breaking for them. "It's your call. I know it's not an easy decision."

David sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, Maddie's hand still held in his. "Is it possible that she could carry to term and not be harmed by it?"

Dr. Hopkins nodded. "There is a possibility that they would both be fine, but there is also a possibility that they would both be fine if we went ahead and delivered today. There are no guarantees in this, Mr. Addison."

"David," he said absent-mindedly. 

__

"I want to try, doctor," Maddie said, her voice steady beyond belief.

Again, she nodded. "Very well. We'll want to keep you for the next few hours, make sure you're stable. We want those contractions to stop also, I don't suppose you want another month of those, do you?" As the doctor went about getting Maddie ready to go home, David stood in the hall, leaning against the wall.

He had long since stopped smoking. The last time he'd even touched a cigarette, or anything resembling one, was at Walter's bachelor party. But as he stood in the hallway of the hospital, David would have given anything for one.

September 23, 1996 --- 2: 10 PM

David jerked his head up, startled to realize that he was sitting in his driveway. Jumping quickly out of the car, he ran into the house, slamming the door behind him. Dashing up the stairs and into the master bedroom, he blindly threw clothes into a suitcase.

All the while, his mind was racing with the memory....

October 26, 1990 --- 4:46 PM

__

"David, really, this isn't necessary. Really," Maddie repeated for what felt like that millionth time in the last two seconds.

"The doctor said bed rest. No work, no cases....just bed rest for the next month," he admonished, once again fluffing her pillow.

Maddie gritted her teeth. "David Addison, I swear, if you don't get out of here, I'm going to kill you." She closed her eyes and leaned back against the pillow. "And then I'm going to chop you up into little pieces and feed you to the dog."

David grinned. "Hormones kicking in, eh Maddie? And we don't have a dog." He managed to get out of the room before the telephone hit the door.

It was a few weeks later that Maddie suddenly awoke, a horrible pain tearing through her side. Reaching over, she shook David awake.

Not being able to talk, only being able to gasp with the intensity of the pain, Maddie still managed to get out three words, "David....hospital....NOW."

David stood outside of the little room, staring in through the window as the nurse examined Maddie. _He had this unexplainable ball of fear in his stomach that felt like it was rising into his throat and choking him. The nurse motioned him back in and left, placing the chart on the door as she closed it._

He sat on the edge of the bed, holding her hand and listening to the steady 'thump thump' of their baby's heart on the fetal monitor. No words were spoken as they waited for the doctor.

__

September 23, 1996 --- 2: 13 PM

David dashed back out of the house, suitcase in hand, and slammed the door behind him, forgetting to lock it in his haste.

Jumping into the car, David clicked on the radio, trying to think of anything but the stop he still had to make before he could get to her.

But the song on the radio didn't help to calm him, or get his mind off of what he was driving toward, it just succeeded in saddening him even more.

==Last night I had a crazy dream==

==A wish was granted just for me==  
==It could be for anything==  
==I didn't ask for money==

==Or a mansion in Malibu==  
==I simply wished, for one more day with you==**  
**  
==One more day==

==One more time==

==One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied==  
==But then again, I know what it would do==  
==Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you==  
  
==First thing I'd do is pray for time to crawl==  
==Then I'd unplug the telephone==  
==And keep the TV off==  
==I'd hold you every second, say a million 'I love you's==  
==That's what I'd do with one more day with you==  
==One more day==

==One more time==

==One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied==  
==But then again, I know what it would do==  
==Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you==

November 12, 1990 --- Around 4:00 AM

__

The doctor breezed into the room in a whirl of white, chart in her hand and a small frown creasing her normally pretty face. "Well, I can't say I'm happy to see you two back in here, but I also can't say that I'm surprised."

She sighed. "What you felt tonight were slight labor pains, we've got you hooked to a monitor that will help tell us when the serious contractions start. While we're waiting on that, I'm going to run some tests, see what I can do to make you more comfortable."

David stopped the doctor a little ways down the hall. "Is...is everything..." he trailed off, not knowing how to finish his sentence.

She shook her head grimly. "To be honest, Mr. Addison, we should have delivered that baby a few weeks ago when she first went into labor. She's still about three or four weeks away from her due date, and the baby doesn't seem to be handling labor very well."

Seeing his face fall, Dr. Hopkins smiled her reassurance. "We're going to do everything possible, Mr. Addison. Your baby just seems to be comfortable and doesn't want to leave anytime soon." She patted him on the shoulder and hurried down the hall.

David nodded to the empty hall, leaning his forehead against the cool metal of the door frame. He had no idea how long he'd been standing like that; out in the hall with his head pressed against the wall, when a gasp and the screaming of his name was heard.

Without hesitation of any kind, David ran down the hall and into the hospital room. Maddie was sitting up in the bed, a mix of terror and pain written across her face. 

As David called out for the doctor, the earlier ball of fear expanded, until it was as if it was cutting off his air completely. He heard without hearing, saw without seeing, felt without feeling. But the words that slipped past her lips as they wheeled her out of the hospital room into emergency surgery would stay with him until the day he died.

"I love you, David."

September 23, 1996 --- 2:18 PM

It seemed the traffic was worse than usual. Bumper to bumper; move an inch, wait an hour, move another inch. It was a unique world of torture for David, every song on every station reminded him of her, until, finally, he turned it off completely, letting the silence wash over him.

November 12, 1990 --- 6:00 AM

__

Her last words haunted him for what was, in reality, a couple of hours, but to him seemed like days. The doctors and nurses came and went, each time making his heart quicken with fear and anticipation.

Each time, there was no news. 

Various things ran through his mind while he stood there. Various points of their relationship; fights, makeups, cases, kisses. All of them had been burned into his memory and seemed to flood him now.

The doctor came out four hours after he went in. The green scrubs stained an almost unnatural red from all of the blood. 

David stood slowly, only needing to look into the doctor's eyes to see that all was not well and happily ever after wasn't a part of the near future. He rubbed his sweaty palms on the sides of his pants nervously, and watched as the doctor pulled off his rubber gloves.

"Mr. Addison, I'm sorry," were the first words out of his mouth and David looked at the floor for a moment, trying to control his emotions. But the doctor continued, "We are doing our best to stabilize her breathing, but she's so little...."

He jerked his head up. "You mean...."

The doctor nodded. "Your daughter was rushed to the neo-natal unit _as quickly as possible." He shook his head. "As I said, we're concerned about her breathing, and we want you to know that there is no guarantee in this."_

David nodded sadly. "How's Maddie?"

"She's drugged heavily for pain, so she'll be out of it for a little while, other than that, she should be fine."

"May I see her?" he asked, not really caring what the doctor's reply would be.

"Of course. You can also visit your daughter, just tell them the last name. Mr. Addison, I'm not promising anything, but we have every reason to be optimistic about her health." With that, the surgeon turned and walked down the hall without a second glance.

September 23, 1996 --- 2: 25 PM

David banged his hand on the steering wheel and inadvertently hit the horn, making him jump. Laughing at himself, he ran his hand through his quickly thinning hair. 

He ran through his memories mentally, trying to find a happy one, but he kept coming back to the birth of his daughter. 

November 12, 1990 --- 6:04 AM

__

The room was cold and impersonal. David liked it better that way, that meant that the occupant wasn't planning a long stay.

He walked in hesitantly, as if expecting something to jump out at him. Once inside, he shut the door quietly, leaving it open a crack in case he needed to call for help.

She looked so small, lying in the hospital bed. Her small frame looking almost frail now that she didn't carry their child. Her face was pale, from loss of blood, David speculated. He looked around the room, taking in the many machines she seemed to be hooked up to. 

The heart monitor beeped every few seconds, indicating the life that it monitored. He ran his finger along her cheek and then brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. Leaning down, David kissed her lightly on the lips. "I'll be back," he whispered, fleetingly wondering whether she could hear him or not.

He walked out of the room with a glance back, almost afraid that she would be gone. Wearily leaning against the wall next to the elevators, David pressed the button and closed his eyes, waiting for the ding that would signal an arrival.

He rode the elevator up to the fifth floor, his heart beating a rapid staccato in his chest. Hurrying down the hall to the neo-natal unit, he stopped and glanced through the window, his eyes coming to rest on the only basket that was occupied at the moment.

He slowly walked through the door, not sure of what to expect. David bent over the basket taking in the infant that teetered on the brink of life and death.

She was so tiny, much smaller than David had expected her to be. He had seen premature infants on television, but never in real life. And he had certainly never expected to have one.

Machines monitored just about everything that David could imagine, and he swallowed back tears. Machines kept you alive, sometimes when all you wanted to do was die. 

He shook his head, clearing it.

Light brown hair adorned the baby's head and as David watched, she opened her eyes, revealing a color between green and blue.

David felt instant love and devotion to the little life that he had helped to create. Tentatively, he reached out and touched her hand, marveling at the way her finger automatically clenched around his.

The machines didn't bother him any longer. Now, they were the only thing that kept him believing that there was a chance they would all make it through all of this.

"Mr. Addison?" 

He jumped slightly at the soft calling of his name. "Yeah, that's me." 

"Mr. Addison, Ms. Hayes is awake and asking for you," the nurse explained, smiling at the scene that father and daughter made. "She looks like her daddy," she observed.

"You think so?" David asked, smiling slightly and glancing down at the infant.

The nurse nodded. "She will once she's older, anyway."

David gently disengaged his daughters finger from his own. "Yeah, maybe. Her mother ought to be thrilled about that." He laughed quietly.

"Speaking of her mother....."

"Yeah, I'm going. Thank you." With one last look at the now slumbering infant, he headed back to the elevator.

September 23, 1996 --- 2:32 PM

David pulled up in front of the school, his heart racing, and jerked the emergency brake into place. Jumping out, he rushed into the front office.

"Mr. Addison..."

"Yes. I need - - -"

The secretary shook her head and smiled, she pointed to a bench in the corner. "She fell asleep waiting for you, I didn't have the heart to wake her up."

David grinned, "Yeah, she can sleep through anything." He walked over to the bench and gently lifted the little girl into his arms, cradling her against his chest. "Thank you, Ms. Johnson."

"Good luck, Mr. Addison," she said to his retreating form.

November 12, 1990 --- 6: 31 AM

__

Maddie slowly turned her head as David entered the room. "Hi," she whispered with as much a smile as she could muster.

"Hi," he replied, a mirroring smile on his face. "You scared me for a while." 

"I'm sorry." 

Seating himself on the edge of the bed, he took her hand and brought it to his lips. "She's beautiful," he whispered with a grin.

"A girl?" Maddie asked, her eyes wide.

"Yes, a girl," David said, smirking. "She looks like me."

Maddie grinned. "Maybe she'll grow out of it." 

The smile slipped from David's face and his grip on her hand tightened. "We're not out of the danger zone yet, there is still a chance---"

"Don't say it, David. Let's be optimistic about this, ok?" Maddie pleaded.

Nodding slowly, he kissed her hand again. "We need a name," he reminded her.

"Grace," Maddie said suddenly. "Grace Addison."

David smiled. "Do I get a say in this?"

"I'm sorry, I've always loved that name....what do you think?" she asked, running her fingers lightly over his knuckles.

"I like Grace....but we need a middle name. Or a first, depending." 

"Kelly?" Maddie asked, a smile lighting up her eyes.

David made a face,."That was my line." He was silent for a few seconds, and then; "Kathryn Grace?" 

Maddie looked thoughtful. "I was just thinking Catherine Elizabeth."

It hit them both at the same time, and they smiled, each reading the other's thoughts. They spoke in unison, "Katherine Elizabeth Grace."

Maddie shifted and winced in pain. David looked worried. "Are you uncomfortable?"

"A little." She yawned. "I guess I'm a little sleepy too." 

A nurse walked into the room. "Mr. Addison? They want you up in Neo-natal ASAP." 

David turned to Maddie, "I---"

"Go!" she all but yelled it at him. 

David was out the door before she could blink.

September 23, 1996 --- 2:34 PM

If you've never tried, getting a sleeping five year old buckled into a car isn't the easiest thing in the world, and so David's frustration with the seat belt grew. When he finally managed to get it buckled, he rushed to the other side of the car and dove in, revving the engine and speeding out of the parking lot.

November 12, 1990 --- 6:34 AM

__

David rushed into the small room that held his daughter, coming to a halt when he saw that it was exactly like he had left it. "Doctor? They wanted me up here as soon as possible?"

Doctor Hopkins turned and looked at David, a huge smile plastered on her face. "I just thought that you'd like to know that your daughter is breathing on her own, and doing wonderfully."

He sighed. "So she's going to be ok?"

"We're not totally cleared yet, but there is a 99% chance that you will walk out of here with both a healthy baby, and a healthy mother." Gently picking up the baby, Michelle held her out toward David. "Would you like to hold her?"

David hesitantly took the infant from the doctor, awkwardly holding her at first, he slowly became used to the life that he held in his hands. "Hey there, baby," he whispered to his slumbering daughter, the love shining in his eyes enough to bring tears to the doctor's.

"If you would like, you can take her down to her mommy a little later when she's up to it," Doctor Hopkins said as she took the infant from her father. 

"I'd love to," David replied, reluctantly handing back the baby. He watched as the doctor placed his daughter back into the crib. 

It was a short week later that Maddie and David were able to escort Katherine Elizabeth Grace Addison out of the hospital and to the waiting nursery at home. 

Maddie quietly closed the nursery door and leaned against it, her eyes closed. She jumped slightly as David wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck from behind.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hi yourself," she said back, leading him away from the door and the sleeping baby on the other side. "I finally got her to sleep."

"The kitchen is clean," He replied, pulling her in the direction of their bedroom.

As he was unbuttoning her nightshirt, Maddie stopped him. "David? We need to talk." She pulled him to the bed and they sat. Maddie was silent for a while, and then; "I've been thinking, David....and I know that we talked about children---"

He stopped her. "I think I know what you're going to say, Maddie, and I agree with you." He picked up her hand and ran his finger over her engagement ring. "I was terrified; terrified for you, terrified for her....I would rather not have to go through it again." 

Maddie leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you," she whispered.

Bemused, David smiled at her. "For what?"

"Being you." she said simply, pulling him on top of her and clicking off the bedside lamp.

September 23, 1996 --- 2:37 PM

The traffic was no better than it had been going to the school to pick her up. In fact, if anything, it was worse.

Sitting in the bumper to bumper traffic, David looked over at the little girl in the seat opposite him. Long hair was braided and curled into a bun that, during the day, had come loose and now hung halfway down her back.

He reached out and touched her head. There was no description for her hair. The best that David or Maddie could come up with was auburn, and even that wasn't right. 

Katie shifted in the seat as the car jerked forward. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and looked up at her father. "Daddy?"

Grinning suddenly, David looked over at her. Eyes as clear and blue as the sky stared back at him. "You were expecting someone else?"

She giggled before becoming serious. "Daddy, is mommy OK?"

Swallowing a lump in his throat, David answered her with what he hoped was the truth, "Mommy's going to be fine."

December 21, 1991 --- 5:43 PM

__

"Oh my God, David. She said something." 

David raced into the living room. "Really?"

"No, I'm lying to you. Yes really," Maddie answered, grinning, "She said, 'Kate'," she finished proudly, looking up at her newly acquired husband.

David sat on the sofa, next to his wife and daughter. "Just like a woman," he muttered, "saying her own name before ours. I've been trying forever to get her to say daddy."

The one year old turned to her father, a small grin on her face. "Dada," she said, giggling.

Maddie leaned back into the couch, laughter overcoming her. David stared in amazement at the little girl. "Well, it's official, she's got your sense of humor."

September 23, 1996 --- 2:39 PM

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Can we listen to the radio?" asked Katie.

David switched on the radio and lost himself in another thought as the music swept over him.

April 3, 1993 --- 2:32 PM

__

"I just don't understand how you can spill coffee INTO a radio, Maddie, that's all," David said as he got off onto the interstate.

"I explained how it happened, didn't I?" Maddie said irritably from the passenger side of the BMW. "Anyway, I'll have the damn thing fixed, ok?"

"Yeah, Daddy, she'll have the damn thing fixed, OK?" Katie asked from the backseat, an indignant look not unlike her mother's adorning the three year old's face.

He rolled his eyes, "You've corrupted our child."

Maddie grimaced and turned around in her seat. She patted the little girl's knee, "Katie, honey, remember what we said about that word?"

Katie's response was a grin and a nod. "Yes, Mommy," she said.

Maddie sighed. "Well, at least she's honest." 

David laughed and began to sing, the silence was beginning to get to him. "You will come to a place, where the only thing you feel, are loaded guns in your face---"

"David!"

"Daddy!"

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You're making a lot of noise," Katie answered with the honesty only the young posses.

David glared at Maddie as she laughed and eyed his daughter in the rearview mirror. "OK, Ms. Smarty Pants---"

"I'm wearing a dress, Daddy." 

Maddie laughed harder and David had to smile. "You fill up the silence, then."

She was quiet a moment, the crease in her forehead showed how hard she was thinking. "Daddy? What are those things in the middle of the road? The big yellow bumps?"

Thinking for a minute, David finally answered. "Those? Those are Shnookies," he said matter of factly.

"Snookies?" both Maddie and Katie asked.

"No, SHNOOKIES," he sighed, "they travel for thousands of miles, in a straight line, to get to Shnookdom."

Katie's eyes had gone wide and she was staring out the window at the yellow 'Shnookies'. "Why do they do that, Daddy? Where do they come from?"

"They come from the ocean, like turtles, because if they don't, the fish will eat them up. They do it because it's the only place that Shnookies are excepted. They're shunned---"

"Shunned, Daddy?" Katie asked, confusion in her voice and on her face.

"None of the other creatures will talk to them," he corrected with a smile. "So they travel for miles and miles to be with their own kind."

"Aren't they afraid they'll be squished?" Katie asked, horror evident in her voice.

David's forehead creased as he thought about how to respond to that. "No. You see, the yellow shells protect them." 

"Wow," Katie voiced, pushing her nose against the window to get a better look at the middle of the road. "You're awful smart, Daddy," the little girl said, her breath fogging the window.

David grinned at Maddie and picked up her hand from her leg, bringing it to his mouth to kiss her palm. She smiled back at him and leaned her head back into the seat, listening to their daughter's chatter.

September 23, 1996 --- 3:23 PM

David pulled up to the front of the apartment building and stopped, not bothering to turn the engine off. "OK, I'm going to go see Mommy, you're going to stay with Aunt Terri for a little while."

Katie turned to him, a frown on her face. "I want to see Mommy too, Daddy."

He sighed. "I know you do, sweetie, but it will be boring. You'll be stuck sitting for what may be hours. You don't want to have to do that, do you?"

Thinking for a minute, she finally shook her head. "No, I guess not. But you'll call, right?" 

Without so much as a blink, David nodded. "Every five minutes, if you want."

Katie giggled. "You'd be broke in no time, Daddy."

"Calling from a pay phone, yes, I would," he answered with a chuckle. He looked up at the front of the apartment building, seeing Terri standing there he said, "Give me a kiss and let me go see Mommy."

Katie dutifully leaned over and kissed her father quickly. "Give Mommy a big kiss for me, OK? I love you, Daddy." With that, she jumped out of the car and ran to where her 'Aunt' Terri was standing, giving her a hug.

With a wave, David pulled back onto the street, making his way to Maddie and praying that she was ok as their last conversation swept through his memory.

September 23, 1996 --- 8:02 AM

__

"Katie! Hurry or you'll miss the bus!" Maddie called up the stairs of their house. "Katherine Elizabeth, are you listening to me?" she yelled.

Katie came bounding down the stairs. "Yes, Mommy, I heard you." Giving her mother a quick kiss and a brief hug, she flew to the front door.

"Hey, beautiful, where are you going?" David asked from the doorway of the kitchen.

She turned. "School, Daddy," the five year old said impatiently.

"I'm wounded, get over here and give your old man a hug and kiss before you go," He raised his eyebrows as he clutched his chest in mock horror. "Or are you too big for that anymore?"

Giggling, she threw herself at her father. "Bye Daddy."

"Bye Angel," he said, watching her walk out the front door as the bus honked. His smile faded as he turned and faced his wife. "We going to go back to the conversation we were having before?"

Maddie sighed and pushed past him and into the kitchen. "Strange, I'm finished with that." She filled her coffee cup.

David followed her in and roughly turned her around, pinning her against the counter. "Well I'm not," he said angrily.

He let her go and stalked about the room, looking like a caged tiger. "I want to know what you talk about. Do you meet him, Maddie? Do you talk about me?"

Maddie turned and faced him, sneering. "You're so vain, Addison." Her sneer disappearing, she rubbed her temples, trying to rid herself of the oncoming headache. "You think I'm meeting anyone looking like this?" She gestured down at herself.

Fire flashed in David's eyes. "So he comes here."

"I can't believe you!" Finally losing her temper, Maddie walked across the room to stand before him. "I can't believe what you are insinuating, and I can't believe that you believe that."

"I'm only going by evidence, Maddie," David said, the anger on his face intensifying. "Tell me, Ms. Hayes, is that baby going to have the last name of Addison or Crawford? Or do you even know? How long has this been going on, Maddie?" As he said this, he pointed to her swollen midsection. "I know it's been a while, but I'm sure you can remember who you've been screwing, Maddie."

The crack of her hand across his cheek was deafening, and Maddie found that she wanted to do it again. And again and again and again. She wanted to hit him over and over until he told her he was sorry. She wanted to beat an apology out of him.

Instead, she burst into tears and said. "I hate you, David Addison." As she walked out of the room, she said over her shoulder, "Your bags will be waiting by the front door, don't bother coming back, I'll tell the lawyer to call you."

September 23, 1996 --- 3:43 PM

Stopped at a red-light, he once again prayed she would be ok. That she'd forgive him. 

September 23, 1996 --- 8:23 AM

__

He had stormed out of the house and gone to work, snapping at anyone and everyone there. All of the staff went to great lengths to avoid him all day.

At a quarter to two, his phone had buzzed and Agnes' tentative voice came over the line. "Call for you on line two, Mr. Addison."

He answered with a rough, "Yeah?"

"Addison?"

"Well, if it ain't the space cowboy, how's it going, Luke? Seen my wife lately?" he growled into the phone, anger flooding him again.

"Listen, you asshole, I don't want to discuss this with you. Hell, I don't even want to TALK to you," Sam spat.

David snorted. "I always said you weren't too bright, don't you know what a telephone is for, Crawford?"

"I wouldn't have called if Maddie hadn't asked me --- begged --- me to. She passed out while I was on the phone with her this afternoon," he explained.

All of David's senses went on alert and he sat up, his anger forgotten. "Passed out?" he asked, not really wanting the answer.

Sam sighed. "We're at the hospital, David, and she asked for you. You hear me, dumbass? She asked for you, not me." And with that, he hung up.

After an urgent call to Terri, he had run out of the office.

September 23, 1996 --- 4:56 PM

David pulled into the parking garage and hunted around for a place to park. His frustration grew as he went up level after level, row after row of cars. Finally squeezing the Porsche into a space on the fifth level, he jumped out and sprinted to the elevator, the suitcase forgotten in the backseat.

He didn't stop running until he reached the station in the emergency room. Out of breath, he wheezed. "I'm looking for my wife."

The nurse smiled at him softly. "What is your wife's name, sir?" she asked gently.

"Madolyn, Madolyn Addison. Or Hayes, I don't know which one she used." He began to babble, "We had a fight, so she might have used her maiden name. The fight was so stupid, and then she goes and passes out....this is what happened last time. What I was afraid of happening this time---"

"They moved her upstairs, Mr. Addison. To the maternity ward." The nurse interrupted, "Just ask at the nurses station."

David nodded and ran to the elevator.

~ ~ ~ 

Tentatively, David poked his head into the room he had been directed to. Sam's head jerked up from the chair beside the bed and David thought he saw relief in his eyes. "Where the hell have you been, Addison?" he asked quietly.

David ignored him for a moment, walking over to the bed and pressing a kiss to his sleeping wife's forehead. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Turning to Sam, he said, "I had to pick up Katie and drop her with Terri."

Sam frowned. "She's been out for about fifteen minutes, the doctor gave her something for it. The pain, I mean. They said the baby was in distress, and that they wanted to do an emergency delivery, but she refused to do anything until you got here."

David brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. "Will you please go get the doctor?" he asked Sam, his voice barely a whisper.

Sam nodded and walked out of the room, returning moments later with Dr. Hopkins. "Mr. Addison, glad you could make it."

"I'm sorry, there was traffic, and Katie...." 

"I understand. Luckily, Mr. Crawford here was near by when she collapsed." Not missing the anger in David's eyes, she went on, "We think that an emergency caesarian is in order, and with your consent, we can do it now."

"Her due date is two weeks from now," David voiced, concern in his voice.

"Both she and the baby ought to be fine, I wouldn't say that if I wasn't sure," she said truthfully.

Exchanging a glance with Sam, David nodded. "Do it then."

~ ~ ~ 

Maddie struggled towards consciousness. The pain started in her stomach and ended in her head. She felt like she ached all over. 

She slowly opened her eyes and immediately closed them again, trying to shut out the blinding white light. Tears slipped from her closed eyelids as she remembered what had transpired before her memory went blank.

Without opening her eyes, Maddie brought her hand down to her stomach, only to jerk it back at the dizzying pain it caused. Where her stomach had once been protruding, there was nothing. 

She slowly became aware of a pressure on her right hand and opened her eyes carefully. David sat in the chair by the bed, his hand resting atop hers. He slept, his head cocked to one side, a gentle snoring the only noise he made.

Glancing about the room, she noticed it's other occupant. Sam was in the other chair that sat in the corner. He too, was sleeping, though he emitted no noise at all.

Smiling softly, she watched her husband sleep. His hair was disheveled, his clothes crooked, and he was the best thing she'd seen in a while. 

After their fight, she wasn't sure he'd even come. But she should have known better. His eyes suddenly opened and deep green met clear blue.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hey yourself," she answered. "You missed all the action yesterday." 

He nodded. "You can tell me about it later." 

They spoke at the same time, "Maddie about yesterday---"

"Look, David, I---"

Laughing nervously, David stroked her hand. "You first."

She was about to speak when the door to the room opened and a nurse popped in. "Ah, the patient is awake!" 

Sam jerked out of sleep and jumped up. "Maddie?" he asked, looking around the room.

The nurse giggled. "If the men would wait outside....I'll examine the patient, and then you can see your beautiful baby."

Maddie grinned. "Boy or girl?" she asked.

"Girl," David and Sam answered at the same time.

The nurse looked at them with a curious expression. "Which one of you is the proud papa?" she asked, eyeing both of them and smiling.

"Guilty," David said with a grin.

"Ah. Well, if you'd like, you can go collect your daughter and bring her to meet her mama." The nurse turned to Maddie and took her stethoscope from around her neck. "Now," she spoke without turning, "if you two would kindly go..."

David and Sam exited the room together. David shut the door and turned to Sam, running his hand through his hair. "Look---"

"Let's walk while we talk, OK? My legs are killing me from sleeping in that damn chair the whole night." David nodded his acceptance and they walked through the halls.

"Thank you," David said.

"You're thanking me?" Sam said, obviously surprised.

"Don't rub it in." He sighed. "If it weren't for you...." He let the sentence trail off. "I don't know what I'd do...if I lost her."

They stopped at the window looking over the babies. Sam finally spoke. "I know that we have never gotten along, and for a good reason, I suppose. But Maddie was my best friend for a long time...when I had a problem, I went to her....I guess that hasn't changed."

"I was horrible to her this morning," David admitted.

"You were a real jerk," Sam added, agreeing.

David laughed. "Yeah." He scanned the names of the babies. "That's her." He pointed to a basket with the name 'Addison' printed on it.

"Congratulations, Addison," Sam said quietly.

~ ~ ~ 

David and Sam reached the door and Sam opened it. "Hey, this is your job, not mine." He patted David on the shoulder. "Tell Maddie I'll call."

As he was walking away, David called out, "Thanks, Luke."

Without turning, Sam raised his hand and continued down the hall. David laughed and looked down at the baby he held in his arms. "Come on, let's introduce you to Mama."

Doctor Hopkins was standing by the bed with Maddie when he entered. "Another girl, eh Mr. Addison?" she asked, a twinkle in her eyes.

David grinned and nodded. "Another girl," he said, handing the baby carefully to her mother. "And another beautiful one, too."

"Hey baby," Maddie whispered, tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks. "She's perfect, Addison."

"Yeah, she looks like you," he said, leaning over and trailing a finger down the infant's cheek. "But hey, maybe she'll grow out of it, right?"

Maddie's smile widened. "Right. What were we fighting about this morning, David?" she asked, stroking the blonde hair on the tiny head. "I can't seem to remember."

"Couldn't have been terribly important, I can't remember." He swallowed, "I do, however, remember being a jerk. And for that, I am truly sorry." 

"You're forgiven, for now."

David laughed. "She's not perfect, you know," he said, gesturing to the baby. "She has no name," he added, when Maddie threw him a perplexed look.

"I can't believe we never discussed names. You'd think, after doing this once, we'd have learned," Maddie said, shaking her head slightly.

"Alexa," David said. "Alexa Hope Hayes Addison." When Maddie looked at him, amusement on her face, he grinned. "Hey, you named the last one." He stroked Alexa's cheek. "This one is mine."

Maddie's laughter awakened the baby, and instead of the blue of most babies, deep green eyes met blue, not for the first time that day. "David, she's got your eyes." 

"Sure looks like it," he agreed.

"What will I do with another YOU?" 

"Double the fun, Blondie, double the fun." David said, kissing her hair.

EPILOGUE

Pictures capture a lot of things. Almost too many to name, but there is one that sits atop the mantel of a fireplace in Los Angeles. It's more of a picture frame, really. It holds seven pictures.

The first shows two people, a man and a woman, in a hospital room, holding up a brown haired infant wrapped in a pink blanket. 

The second contains a man asleep on a couch, his brown hair neatly combed, wearing a suit. A little girl is sprawled across his chest, also asleep, gripping his blue tie in her hand. She is wearing a black velvet dress with a blue sash. Charlotte's Web can be seen sitting on top of the coffee table to the right.

The third is of a woman, holding the same little girl from the second picture. She looks to be explaining something, the woman is listening attentively. They are both turned with their profiles to the camera, and the woman is obviously pregnant.

The fourth shows both the man and woman, locked in an embrace, the woman wearing a wedding dress, the man in a tux. It is in the very middle of the frame, as if the others revolve around it.

The fifth contains the woman, the man, and the little girl. They are all sitting on a hospital bed, and the woman is holding up a blonde baby wrapped in a pink blanket, much like the first.

The sixth is of a young woman of about twelve, her brown hair pulled back into a braid and a riding helmet atop her head. She holds a horse's reins in her left hand and the horse's head protrudes over her left shoulder. She smirks at the camera and her blue eyes seem to mock the photographer.

The seventh and final picture is of a blonde haired girl of about seven, her green eyes sparkling with barely suppressed laughter. She is strikingly beautiful. The man stands behind her, his hands on her shoulders, the woman stands next to the man, her head leaning on his shoulder and her hand draped casually on the brown haired girl standing in front of her.

As I believe I said, pictures can capture many things. Happiness, sadness, disappointment and excitement. As for this montage of photos, they all captured something different. But as different as these photographs are, they all capture the same thing; The Addison Family.

Did Maddie and David live happily ever after? Maybe, but that really isn't my decision, is it? I suppose I'll leave it up to you. To quote one of the best movies of the nineties; The point is, my readers, that they _lived._

__

Thanks go to: Wow, where do I even start? Here goes: Aubrey, You are a wonderful person and without you, this would not be possible --- Adina, It's finally finished, and this time, you can pick your own ending, happy or otherwise! --- Heather, It's five o'clock in the AM...where are you?? --- Diane, for late night chats and helpful comments --- Dana, yours was the first fic I ever read, thank you so much for it. --- And finally, Lizzie, the best feedback I've ever gotten has come from you. --- Thank you one and all, without all of you, this would not be what it is --- Elyse


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